Life on Earth
by Gater101
Summary: 14. It's the most beautiful city in the world but all he sees is her.
1. Paris, Je T'Aime

Title: Paris, Je T'Aime  
Summary: He'd told her once he'd show her Paris; now she was the one showcasing it for him.  
Characters: John, Teyla  
Pairing: John/Teyla  
Rating: T  
Beta: Jess (kind of, cause I edited some of it)  
Spoilers: _Enemy at the Gate_

**Notes:** In the style of _Indomitable_, this will be a series of one-shots that form a cohesive whole. They will not be in chronological order (I lack the ability to write in linear time) but the timing will be obvious. Mainly John-/Teyla, they won't _all _be but those that aren't form the story around about it. I hope that you enjoy.

Earth hadn't been what Teyla had expected. For instance, she had believed that she would one day return to her people in the Pegasus Galaxy; that those of Earth would ensure her safe return – that perhaps they too would return to continue their fight. While she had accepted the possibility that she may never return to her home, it had never occurred to her that those of Earth would not even _try_. And in that light, it had taken her longer than she had thought to assimilate to life on Earth; it was with a pang of regret and sadness that she had come to understand the lives that her friends had lived before Atlantis; sporadic phone calls and the complimentary dinner when one or more of them was 'in town', a few emails passed along lines of empty connectivity that it had her longing for home.

But they had assimilated; she better than Kanaan but in those early days it was difficult to temper their resentment for those in command of Earth. She had seen the change in Woolsey almost instantly, returning to the rules and codes that he had clung so tightly to in those first months on Atlantis. She had seen how quickly Rodney and Ronon and Sheppard had given up the fight for their return to Pegasus and she had begun to resent them and the longer that they had been apart, the more she had grown to envy them; none of them had anything back in Pegasus, not even Ronon – what he had, he brought with him; Atlantis, he'd once told her, was his home. For Teyla, Atlantis had been home while it had been in Pegasus; she missed her people, she missed her way of life and while she was _used _to living on Earth, it was not something she had ever hoped for – not since Torren's conception, at least.

But time had worn on and months had turned into years and she'd grown to accept life on Earth. Those she had called friends on Atlantis were still friends now and while she did still miss her people, she had come to terms with never seeing them again. She had to admit that their lives (hers and Kanaan's and Torren's at least) were easier on Earth; there was no fear of a culling, no sense of the Wraith and although she was sure of Kanaan's continued love for her, she was lonely. All of her life, she had had people surrounding her; on Athos, the sounds of the village had surrounded her every moment of every day. On Atlantis, no one was any farther away than a quick radio call and a brisk walk. Here, on Earth, _plans _had to be made and kept and while life on Atlantis was busy, life on Earth was hectic and their relationships were spread around the globe in a way that had taken her longer to comprehend than she thought it would. The thought that she could not simply walk down the corridor to John's quarters for a late night chat, or that the commissary – where friendships were made and kept – was not a part of her home but on a city that floated on the shores of a land she couldn't fathom. John and Rodney had joked, albeit humourlessly, that they would always have Starbucks.

She sighed and looked up to the sky. It had taken her a long time to realise that the pollution of the cities distorted the images of the night but it was beautiful none the less. The amber glow of the street lights tainted the purity of the clouds, but it was a sight she had familiarised herself with long before. She sighed and her breath swirled in a white puff in front of her face, warming her for a moment in the bitter cold night. She tucked the jacket closer around her body and fought off the shiver; life on Earth had spoiled her for the cold weather, she mused as she thought back to the long winters she suffered without protest on Athos.

"You all right?" Startled, she turned to the voice with a quick smile, automatically reaching out to take the wine glass offered to her. "Sorry," he quirked, his lips turning up at the edges with a cheeky smile she had come to know over the years. Life on Earth had been good to him.

"It is a cold night," she said as she turned back to the view, leaning her arms on the metal rail. It had been a ritual of theirs back on Atlantis, standing on balconies. She was glad it had carried on to Earth. From the corner of her eye, she watched as he leaned beside her, his tall frame leaning far out over the balcony looking at the road below. In the distance, the tower sparkled and she wondered how many Parisians walked past the spectacle without thought, while each tourist in the vicinity stopped and stared. The black shirt he'd worn neatly all evening was tucked up at the sleeves, the top button undone, his collar vacant of the tie he'd worn and his hair had managed to break free of the restraints he'd tried to impose on it. She liked him better this way, anyway. "Though I suppose you are used to colder climates," she said with a half smirk and he turned to look at her, leaning the small of his back against the short rail, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"We have heating out there, too, you know." She quirked an eyebrow at him and he grinned boyishly down at her. Silence descended on them but cars still buzzed below and in the distance she could hear the blast of boat horns as they made their way through the heart of the city. "Why Paris?" He asked eventually, his voice gently questioning and he cocked his head to the side as he watched her face.

She narrowed her eyes in thought slightly, tilting her own head as she watched people wander below her, oblivious.

"Why not?" She replied some moments later, the answer eluding her. She shrugged when he half smiled, his eyes narrowing slightly as they glanced over her body. "See the world; is that not what you told me?"

He conceded with a nod and turned away from her, turning back to the city.

"Why not New York?"

She shrugged again.

"Would it have made any difference?"

He looked back at her and for a moment she thought she caught a glimpse of the longing she had liked to believe he still held for her but it was gone before she could be sure, replaced with the camaraderie that now characterised their relationship.

"I suppose not," he said with a quiet laugh and turned back to the city. "At least I don't have to pay to fly here," he said thoughtfully a beat later and she laughed.

"So you will only visit when one the ships are in orbit?"

He turned to her, grinning and chuckled.

"Why waste all those hours on a flight when I can have instantaneous travel?"

She quirked her eyebrow mirthfully and nudged his shoulder.

"Why come at all then?"

He paused a beat, two and for a moment she thought to turn to him, to look at his face as the back of his hand brushed across her elbow but he shifted before she could and when she turned to him, he had that smile on his face again and she glanced down to the wine in her hand, lifting the glass to sip at the cool liquid.

"I can't leave you with the French." She quirked an eyebrow but didn't turn to him. "Or the _tourists_," he added as an afterthought and she laughed at that.

They were quiet once again, both looking out over the city and she wondered if he, like she, was thinking of their quiet moments on balconies of Atlantis. If he even thought about Atlantis, as the City had been before. She turned to him slightly, watched as he swirled the ice in his glass but didn't drink and when he turned to her she knew. He smiled, almost wistfully and glanced away to the city beyond. He'd told her once he'd show her Paris; now she was the one showcasing it for him.

"We should go back in," he said as he pushed himself from the railing. "Can't have your boss suing me for letting their top buyer contract frost bite."

She nodded and laughed half heartedly. She gathered herself, wrapping the coat around her body as it opened slightly, letting in the cold air. She heaved a sigh, breathing in through her nose and closed her eyes as she expelled the breath through her mouth.

"Shall we?" She said as she stepped in front of him, walking back across the balcony to the function room. His grip on her hand stopped and she turned, startled, and frowned when he didn't let go, nor make a move to follow her. "John?" She asked half amused, half concerned. She watched as he breathed in deeply, his eyes falling to their hands for a moment before he looked up to her with a genuine, small smile on his lips and her breath caught in her throat as he tugged her body closer to his from their joined hands. She didn't breathe as he lowered his head and her eyelids fluttered shut as his breath washed over her cheek. It took an eternity for his lips to touch her skin and when they did she felt the breath leave her slightly parted lips. A kiss that she knew was meant for her cheek had managed to catch the edge of her lips and she felt long dormant tingles tickle her lips, even after he pulled back.

"Congratulations, Teyla." His voice was heavy and thick and she daren't look at him, even as his forehead touched hers for a brief moment in a gesture she thought long forgot. Quickly, she nodded her thanks and fell into step beside him as they made their way back inside.

Even through her woollen jacket she could feel the heat of his hand on the small of her back and the shivers up her spine that accompanied his almost possessive touch.

As they stepped inside, they separated with smiles and Teyla closed her eyes briefly.

_Paris, _she thought, _je t'aime. _


	2. Life is but a Dream

Title: Life is but a Dream  
Summary: The City couldn't stay in the bay forever.  
Characters: Carson, Rodney  
Pairing: None  
Rating: K+  
Spoilers: Enemy at the Gate  
Notes: A parody, inspired by some silliness in the taxi on the way to the _Park Inn. _

**Notes:** In the style of _Indomitable_, this will be a series of one-shots that form a cohesive whole. They will not be in chronological order (I lack the ability to write in linear time) but the timing will be obvious. Mainly John-/Teyla, they won't _all _be but those that aren't form the story around about it. I hope that you enjoy.

"Carson!"

Carson sat up quickly, disengaging from the chair and glared at Rodney.

"What is it now, Rodney?"

Rodney huffed and turned back to Carson, customary frown in place. He waved the tablet in his hand about and Carson narrows his eyes at him. Rodney had wanted to do check after check after check and Carson was beyond annoyed; the man clearly had no idea how much energy it took to connect to the City, let alone actually make it do anything. It was no wonder Colonel Sheppard was conspicuously 'too busy' to come down to the chair himself and do it.

Carson sighed when Rodney started speaking again, his irate tone grating on Carson's last nerve.

"Rodney," he interrupted the Canadian. "There's barely enough power to do anything so the more time you waste running checks, the less power I have to move the bloody thing."

The Navy had not been impressed with Carson's landing and, as such, they wanted them to move the City far, far away from the west coast of America. It had been Rodney's brilliant idea to move it back to Antarctica where it had been millennia before, not realising that the ZPM was pretty much depleted and that they'd have to sail the City, like an old fashioned boat, as close to the icy planes of the south pole while trying to figure out how to power the city enough to lift it onto the ice.

The Navy had, again, been unimpressed with Carson's suggestion of using tug-boats to haul the city out of the bay and into the ocean. The glare he'd gotten from the commander in chief – and maybe even Sheppard – had been enough to silence him. Until, at least, the image of three or four tug boats pulling the invisible city out of the bay had crossed his mind and he hadn't been able to keep in his snort of laughter.

"All right," Rodney said eventually and Carson sat back in the chair, feeling the welcoming thrum of the City in his veins. It had taken the City a long time to allow Carson (a clone) to connect, his presence a paradox to the city but his insistence had finally worn her defences down. "Take her out."

Carson sighed and let his mind wander, ignoring the prompts from the city that there just wasn't enough power. He rolled his head on his neck, reciting the lines from Flower of Scotland and felt his mind empty. Then he felt it; the gentle tug of the City being pulled through the water and he smiled.

"Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream..."

"Very funny, Carson," Rodney grumbled but Carson could feel his humour.

"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream..."


	3. Driven

Title: Driven  
Summary: Sheppard teaches Ronon how to drive.  
Characters: Sheppard, Ronon  
Pairing: Sheppard-Teyla  
Rating: K+  
Spoilers: Enemy at the Gate

It had seemed like a really good idea at the time, Sheppard thought as he gripped the door handle. It hadn't been until he'd let Ronon behind the wheel that he remembered just how impatient Ronon was. It had been Sheppard's idea and Ronon had agreed full-heartedly after he'd taken a look at some of the cars Dave Sheppard had in his garage. It would be fun, Sheppard had thought.

"Ronon, slow down!"

Ronon had discovered the accelerator and took great joys in pushing it to the floor, regardless of gear or the car's engine and Sheppard had discovered a side to Ronon that had long lain dormant. He wasn't sure it was a good side either.

"I'm only going at forty!" Ronon exclaimed as he took his hands off the wheel to point at the speedometer and Sheppard automatically reached out, ignoring Ronon's grin of glee as the car veered to the side as it rumbled over a pothole in the drive. "You're no fun, Sheppard," Ronon grumbled as he eased up on the accelerator, the cars whining dwindling with the speed.

"I'd like to be alive _and _have my car still intact by the end of this next hour." Ronon grumbled but Sheppard waved him off. "All right," he said lowly as he took a deep, calming breath. He tried to relax into the chair but when the end of the driveway was in sight and Ronon still wasn't turning the wheel, he felt the tension start to creep back in. "All right, buddy," he said calmly, "just turn to wheel a little to the left so we can loop around and head ba- Ronon!" His side impacted with the door and his seatbelt strained across his chest as Ronon turned the wheel around as far as it would go, the car veering off onto Dave's perfect lawns.

Ronon chortled with laughter, sounds of glee escaping his throat as he tried to navigate the car back onto the paved driveway, his head almost hitting off the roof as the car bumped along. Sheppard could do nothing but hold on to his seat belt and hope that Dave would appreciate the funny side of his lawns being torn up by an alien learning how to drive.

"I said a little." Ronon shrugged as the car bumped over the small kerb back onto the driveway and Sheppard was more than tempted to tell him to pull over and stop. "Oh God..." he murmured instead, closing his eyes at the thought.

"What?"

"I don't want to even think about how hard you're going to hit the brakes when I ask you to stop."

Ronon frowned and Sheppard looked over to see the Satedan glance at the hand-brake between the seats then down to where his feet were lingering over the pedals.

"Which one do I use?"

Sheppard closed his eyes and shook his head, wondering why on Earth he'd thought this would be a good idea.

"It's the middle pedal." He could feel the car start to slow and he smiled at how smooth the action was. "Now, put your foot on the clutch and bring the car to a stop." Ronon did so and the car came to a smooth halt at the side of the grass and Sheppard leant his head back against the seat, letting out a quiet breath.

"You know," Ronon said and Sheppard turned his eyes towards him, "we had things like this back on Sateda."

Sheppard closed his eyes and shook his head, trying not to groan.

"So you know how to drive?"

Ronon shrugged again and Sheppard could swear he heard the Satedan let out a small, smug chuckle.

"Sort of." Sheppard turned to him again with a raised eyebrow and Ronon shrugged. "A lot of it's the same but some of it's different."

"Like what?"

"Well, we didn't need to change gears, the car did it for us."

This time, Sheppard did groan.

"We have them too. It's called an automatic."

"So why you trying to teach me the hard way?"

Sheppard closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Well you'll still need to pass a test so you can have a license."

Ronon frowned and glanced over to Sheppard, and Sheppard shook his head at the look on Ronon's face; he'd never liked it when the Satedan had that have grin thing going on and he didn't like it now, especially when his own life hung in the balance.

"Can't you just get some of your people to make one up for me?"

Sheppard laughed and shook his head.

"After what you just put me through, no way; if you drive like that out on the street, I'll make sure you never get one."

Ronon laughed – a sound that Sheppard found he heard more often recently. Out of all the people who had left Pegasus to come back to Earth, Sheppard was sure Ronon was handling it the best. He wasn't sure if it was just the Runner in him – that intrinsic Nomadic quality that had him settling into life in Atlantis so well – but he was glad at least one of his friends was finding peace being back on Earth. Even Rodney was finding it weird to live life without constant threat.

"Do you want to go see Teyla?"

Sheppard blinked and looked to the Satedan. He and Teyla had had a bit of a falling out the last time they'd seen one another – just another sign that they were both finding it difficult being on Earth. For him, it was the responsibility. For her, it was the lack of it. He hated that he couldn't be there for her more but she had made the choice not to join Stargate Command, or to travel with them to Antarctica to work off Atlantis as the multitude of scientists tried to bring the numb city back to life. Sheppard had tried not to blame Kanaan but the thought had been inevitable and he knew he wasn't the only one who thought it.

"I don't know."

"You guys still..."

"Yeah." Ronon nodded and quieted for a long moment and Sheppard was glad he hadn't pushed the issue. He was never any good with dealing with things, even worse when pushed. "Ronon," Sheppard warned as he felt the car surge forward as the Satedan set the gas.

"It's not that far to her place."

"Ronon."

"It's good practice for my test."

Sheppard hated the smug tone in Ronon's voice but he didn't argue. Instead he shook his head and laughed.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you could drive."

As they slipped out of the driveway into the flow of traffic, they laughed. Their return to Earth hadn't been so bad, after all.


	4. Frost at Midnight

Title: Frost at Midnight  
Summary: Tales from Europe, a touch of frost and thoughts recollected with Johnny Cash.  
Characters: John, Teyla, Rodney, Carson & Ronon  
Pairing: Sheppard-Teyla  
Rating: K+  
Spoilers: _Enemy at the Gate_

The restaurant had emptied as the night wore onto early morning and still the group sat around the joined tables, sharing bottles of wine, glasses of whiskey and tales of life on Earth. It was rare for them to be joined so, especially under such jovial circumstances and John knew that each of them wished they could retain the moments for longer than one night. Ice tinkled in his glass as he lifted it to his lips, laughing as he shook his head as Carson and Ronon recalled their month long trip around Europe. John was glad that the bonds between the old friends had strengthened since their return to Earth; it had been a fear of his – rooted, no doubt, in his issues with his past – that his friendships would fall apart as they spread themselves apart across the globe.

"How did you manage to convince Carson to jump off a dam in Switzerland?" Rodney asked incredulous and John couldn't help note the touch of envy he heard in the Canadian's voice. Since John and Rodney had been stationed down in Antarctica with the City, Carson and Ronon had grown closer as friends. "I couldn't even get him to stand at the edge of the balconies on Atlantis!"

John smirked and shook his head, turning his head slightly to watch Teyla as she listened intently to conversations around her. During the course of the evening, John had noticed Teyla's sullen, withdrawn demeanour even though she replied with candour when asked for a tale and she was as animated as she ever was but John couldn't help but notice the subtle shift when eyes turned from her to another. At first, he'd brushed it off as worry for Torren but she'd called Kanaan already and had seemed fine with his report of her son's well being.

"There's a DVD, Rodney. I can show it to you if you'd like?" Carson replied, amused as he rolled his eyes in John's direction.

"What I want to know," John said, suddenly animated as he caught a glimpse again of Ronon's hair, "is how you got Ronon to cut off his dreads." The two men shared a look and Sheppard lifted an amused eyebrow. "It's like that, is it?" He said coyly, watching as Carson coloured and Ronon grunted in disapproval.

"Actually, Colonel," Carson said archly, though he couldn't quite keep the smile from his face, "it was me who tried to convince him to keep them." Ronon made a tutting noise and rolled his eyes as he leaned forward and picked up his glass of whiskey, draining the contents in one gulp. "Just went into a barbers in Milan and made a chopping gesture to one and then came out looking like a double for Johnny Depp."

"I do not," he replied as he turned to Carson, the tone of his voice indicating that it wasn't the first time they'd had the argument.

"With that jacket on, you most certainly did."

Ronon tutted again and shook his head, looking across the table, good naturedly rolling his eyes.

"Think your country will ever abolish homicide laws?"

At that, they all laughed and John shook his head, dropping his head into his upturned palm. He'd missed Ronon while he'd been trotting off around the globe. He couldn't imagine what it would have been like if Ronon and Teyla had decided to stay in Pegasus; Teyla had been his first ally in Pegasus, the first of the expedition that he'd come to trust – he trusted her before he trusted Bates and Ford and even Elizabeth. In Ronon, he'd seen a kindred spirit; that same deep rooted loyalty and desire to defeat the Wraith that John had associated with Teyla on that first morning in her tent on Athos.

"_Your leader looks through me as though I were not there."_

"_Do I?"_

"It is late," Teyla said after a long moment of easy silence and John turned to her, startled by her voice – less refined than it had been all those years ago. "And I believe the others here desire us to leave," she said humorously as she indicated the waiters and waitresses noisily cleaning up the other tables and they all nodded, draining the last of their drinks.

As one, they stood and made their way to the till where a waiter was already waiting with their bill and John had to smile; next time, they'd need to make it a home affair so that they could stay as long as they wanted. Another couple of waiters brought their coats once they'd paid and John helped Teyla into hers before donning his own blazer. As Ronon moved past him out the door, John caught his profile and laughed, sending an acknowledging nod to Carson who simply raised an 'I told you so' eyebrow.

Outside, the night had brought cooler temperatures and John reacted instantly to the change in temperature; his arms trembled and he felt gooseflesh erupt across his skin, his inhalation of breath shaky.

"There's a bar just down there," Ronon said as he pointed down the street to the neon signs of the Colorado nightlife.

Instantly, John shook his head negatively. He was too tired to continue his night; the whiskey was working its way through his system and he felt his limbs tire, sounds muffling in his ears slightly. He wasn't as young as he used to be and he'd never been able to hold a drink all that well, anyway.

"Aye, I'm up for that."

"Staying true to your Scottish roots, Carson?"

"Shut up, Rodney."

Rodney huffed but shook his head at Ronon's grunted encouragement and Sheppard smiled knowingly; he doubted Keller would appreciate a drunken McKay stumbling through her bedroom door at four in the morning. He was bad enough as he was.

"I have the car; I will drive you both to your apartments."

John didn't correct her; he knew she knew he was staying at a hotel. It still surprised him that Teyla drove; he didn't know why though, it was the only practical way to get around on Earth and maybe it was because he had only seen her behind the wheel once or twice. He nodded anyway and smiled his thanks to her, saying quick goodbyes to Carson and Ronon as they wandered off towards a night that John knew they would pay for in the morning.

In the car, the soft music and warm temperature sent Rodney to sleep within minutes but John didn't think to fill the silence with talk. They never had been two for aimless chit chat and John didn't wish to pick up the habit now that they rarely saw one another. The pavements glistened with a touch of frost and John marvelled at the sight; subject to layers and layers of snow each day, the simple pleasure of frost was not lost on him.

"Torren misses you," Teyla said quietly as she turned down a quiet residential street that John only half recognised. He turned to her surprised and she flicked her eyes to him for a brief moment before she turned back to the road. "As do I."

John didn't remind her that she had chosen to stay in Colorado; that she'd chosen not to join them in Antarctica. Instead he looked out of the window and hid his half smile.

"Me too," he said, his warm breath condensing on the cold window. "Tonight was good."

She nodded but remained silent and he didn't push her. Instead, he flipped open the glove compartment and pulled out a few CD's, tossing them aside as he read the titles.

"My mp3 player is in my purse," she said to him without looking at him and he smiled as he reached for it, opening the zip he knew she kept it and her phone in. He looked around for the dock, smiling when she pointed to the underside of glove compartment. "There is some Johnny Cash on it."

He smiled slightly and flicked through the titles, smiling at a few of them – some obviously for Torren – before settling on Cash's Greatest Hits. The classical stuff reminded him too much of Woolsey and on this welcomed reprieve from Woolsey's command, John didn't really want to think about him.

"I have been promoted to a buyer," Teyla said after long minutes filled with the achy voice of Cash in his later years and John turned to watch her as the amber glow of passing streetlights flashed across her face. She smiled slightly as she turned to him. "They wish to send me on a training course in New Jersey for a few weeks to hone my skills."

John smirked at her tone as she voiced the last words, grinning over to her when she turned to him with an ironic lifted eyebrow.

"You should be teaching them a thing or two, I imagine," he said lightly, hoping she heard the approval in his voice. He had tried to convince Teyla to come to Antarctica with him but she had declined, settling for a life without threat of influence from the IOA or the military. Life was her – and her family's – sanctuary and she wanted to enjoy the peace of a life without the Wraith. "We're still trying, you know," he said to her quietly and he saw her jaw tighten slightly and he wished he could recall the words.

"I know," she clipped some minutes later as she pulled up to Keller's apartment. John looked at her, watching her face as she studiously avoided his gaze. "Rodney," she said loudly as she turned in her seat to stir him. The Canadian grumbled slightly but kept sleeping.

"McKay, the ice caps are melting."

"What?" He said, startled, as he sat up and looked around confused. Eventually, his eyes cleared and he turned back to Sheppard, glaring. "Ha, ha very funny."

"Good night, Rodney," Teyla said evenly and John turned to her, catching her stare for a brief moment before she looked back to Rodney. "Jennifer will be waiting for you."

"Yeah," he said quickly, glancing to the house. "That was quick."

"We've actually been into the new twenty-four hour Wal-Mart and had ice cream before we woke you up."

"John," Teyla admonished, her glare falling flat as her lips twitched in a smile. Her hand fell to his knee for a brief moment before she withdrew the touch as Rodney opened the back door. "Sleep well, Rodney."

They waited until Rodney was inside and the hallway light was on before they drove away. Neither of them commented on the fact that they would now need to double back to drop John off at his hotel.

"The IOA-"

"I do not wish to speak of this."

John sat back, slightly startled.

"Teyla-"

"No, John," she emphasised and John watched her for a few moments before nodding. She sighed at the break in the song and John looked back to her. "You will not give up?"

He eyed her from the corner of his eye, noting how she did the same to him as they waited for the stop sign to change. He bit the inside of his lip and looked down to his hands in his lap, to hers on the steering wheel then to her face, half lit by the glow from outside. She turned to him then, too, her eyes questioning his silence. He smiled, small and sad and shook his head.

"No."

She watched him for a moment then licked her lips and nodded slightly, turning her eyes back to the road.

"Thank you."

In his pocket, his cell phone beeped. Searching for it, the beep got louder and more insistent and he pulled it out glancing at the name that flashed across the screen. He flicked his tongue over his lips and sent it to voicemail.

"Nothing important," he said to the curious silence and Teyla flicked a quick frown in his direction.

"Will you see Torren before you go back?" He nodded without thought and he saw her smile. "He misses you."

He smiled over at her but didn't reply.

At his hotel, they sat in silence for a few minutes, each of them staring up to white facade of this latest hotel. It had been a long time since John Sheppard had owned a place to call his own and he couldn't imagine that changing any time in his future.

"I'll call you in the morning," he said as he gathered his jacket from the back seat, his hand falling to the door handle. She nodded to him as she watched his actions, her hands still loosely resting on the steering wheel. "Thanks for the ride," he said as he fought the urge to stay in the car for a little while longer.

"Any time."

He resisted the urge to reach out and kiss her cheek as he smiled across at her.

"Text me when you get in." She nodded, smiling, her eyes sparkling slightly in the darkness. He returned it. "Good night, Teyla," he murmured as he opened the door and felt the cold air catch his breath.

"Good night, John," she replied quietly.

He waved to her through the passenger side window and she returned it, repeating it again at the door to the hotel. He watched from inside the hotel doorway until she moved away, wishing her a safe journey. As he waited on the elevator, he pulled his cell out and called her back.


	5. Rest of my Life

Title: Rest of my Life  
Summary: John Sheppard was lucky man.  
Characters: Team plus Kanaan, Torren, Carson & Female OC Rebecca  
Pairing: John/Teyla, Teyla/Kanaan, John/Rebecca & brief Keller/McKay  
Rating: K+  
Spoilers: _Enemy at the Gate_

The intimate setting was not lost on Kanaan but he was not sure which of the men from Earth were to blame. Outside, the snow continued to fall against the blackness of night while the fire kept the occupants of the small hotel chalet comfortable in its warm glow. It had been many long months since Kanaan had enjoyed the pleasure of an open fire; he and Teyla's small home had central heating and radiators and Sheppard had told Kanaan that the, without a chimney, a log fire would not be possible. At the time, it had been completely lost on Kanaan but over time, he had come to enjoy the constant warmth and safety of the radiators. Still, he enjoyed the open fire as he lingered at its side, revelling in the hiss and cracks of the logs breaking under the heat.

It reminded him of a home he was now certain he would never see again.

His son, now three years old, rested lazily against the foot of a sofa, his soft voice singing along to the Bob Dylan song playing quietly over the speakers; his son had, thankfully, inherited Teyla's gifted voice. Others staying at the hotel seemed very far away from the group of friends from Atlantis, choosing to dine and sit on the other side of the room leaving the larger seating area to the big group. He sighed and shifted in the chair he'd pulled over from one of the smaller tables, shifting the book in his lap. The others talked quietly around him as he read, some simply watching out of the window at the falling snow. Kanaan had wondered why Sheppard had been so insistent on their staying at a ski resort; his prolonged exposure to the inaccessible snow of Antarctica, he had explained on the plane trip on the way over, had only increased his desire to hop on his snowboard and glide down the perfect dunes.

Kanaan had been surprised – like many others – when Sheppard had asked some days before leaving on their trip if he another could join them. As far as Kanaan was concerned, Sheppard saw a small number of people outside of the usual group and those he did, he would not invite on a 'family trip'. When Rebecca, one of the scientific doctors from Atlantis, had arrived at the airport with him the group had let out a collective murmur of confusion. Kanaan had tried to ignore the way Sheppard's eyes had slid to Teyla's, almost assessing, as he'd made the introductions.

Kanaan slid his eyes to Rebecca now and saw her sitting quietly beside Carson Beckett, laughing softly as he explained to her something Kanaan could not hear. She was an attractive woman; taller than Teyla, paler with lighter hair and blue eyes and Kanaan had the brief bitter thought if Sheppard had made the same comparisons. He knew now, after these last four years, that he need not fear; neither Teyla nor Sheppard had made any indication of the feelings they had once shared and while Kanaan trued Teyla, he had been there in those first years when Teyla had been with the people of Atlantis. Rebecca's head tilted, her gaze wandering from Beckett's and Kanaan followed her line of vision and smiled tightly. Sheppard and Teyla stood at the buffet table, Sheppard loading their plates for them as Teyla filled a smaller plate that he assumed was for Torren John. There was tension in the line of Teyla's body and he could see Sheppard's jaw clench slightly as he dropped lettuce onto the two plates, maintaining an exact distance between himself and Teyla as he followed her down the long table.

He sighed; things between the group had been strained for some time and Kanaan hoped – like the others did – that the break away from work and life would go a long way to healing those cracks. But Kanaan knew that it was a temporary fix – that the same problems would linger once they returned to their lives. Beckett and Ronon still wouldn't be in Atlantis, Teyla and Kanaan would still be stuck on Earth and Sheppard and McKay and Keller would still be tucked away on the other side of the planet, far out of reach from the others. Kanaan wondered which of them had it hardest; he and Teyla had acclimatised, though they missed home. Beckett and Ronon seemed joint at the hip – Beckett even took up a job with Ronon's company, acting as 'bouncers' for various night clubs around the city. It was Sheppard and McKay's life that had been least disrupted and yet it was them who were most unhappy, most willing to keep the group of friends together. Kanaan knew that they didn't really have anyone else.

Teyla appeared above him, thrusting the plate Sheppard had made up for her in his direction and he took it reluctantly. She sat on the arm of his chair, crossing her legs to give herself balance and watched the room from his vantage point. Sheppard sat at the window with Ronon, laughing with the Satedan as they pointed out of the window, intermittently picking at the food on their plates.

"Are you well?" He asked Teyla when she continued to sit in silence.

She turned to him suddenly then, smiling down to him but Kanaan could see through it. He knew her, better than she liked to believe. She took a sip of the pint of lager Kanaan had been nursing for almost an hour, her eyes roaming over the room, settling for a moment on Torren and Rebecca before moving to the other guests beyond their group.

"Yes. And you?" She replied, her hand falling to his wrist in a comforting gesture, though who it was meant to comfort, Kanaan couldn't be sure. He nodded slightly, lifting a cool sausage roll in his fingers before putting it back on the plate. He'd never acquired a true appetite for the food of Earth. "It has been a good day," she said lightly, some moments later and Kanaan could hear the lightness in her voice that had been absent. He looked up to her and smiled, taking her hand in his free one. "Did you enjoy the skiing lesson?"

Kanaan snorted as she smiled coyly down to him.

"I do not understand how the Colonel can do that with a single board," he said with a half smile. "I had a difficult enough time trying to stay upright with two." He enjoyed the sound of her laugh and the touch of her fingers in his hair.

"His family used to own a chalet similar to this in the mountains of Austria," Teyla said by way of explanation and he nodded. Teyla had told him once, a long time ago, that John Sheppard had no family he liked to speak of. But since his return to Earth – and the death of his father – John Sheppard had become more open about his family and had even taken a holiday with his brother, though from what he heard, the latter had not gone so well as Sheppard had been back in Atlantis many days before he was scheduled to return. "He wishes to buy Torren a snowboard," she said with light admonishment in her tone.

Sometimes, Kanaan wondered if Teyla regretted telling Sheppard how important the naming of a child was. Since that day, when Sheppard had been informed he would be the guardian of Torren if anything happened to Teyla and Kanaan, he had lavished gifts and experiences upon the child that Teyla had feared would 'spoil' him. In a way, she was right because Torren had come to expect a gift from Uncle John whenever Sheppard returned from Atlantis but he also knew that she enjoyed the attention Sheppard lavished on her son. It seemed that now was one of the moments when she regretted it but Kanaan simply smiled and shook his head.

"There is no snow back home," he reassured her but she simply quirked her eyebrow and Kanaan shrugged. "That he can snowboard down, anyway."

"He has already begun asking for a skateboard."

Kanaan let out a chuckle and nudged Teyla's hip with his shoulder and she sighed, rolling her eyes at herself slightly.

"Is that what you two were discussing at the table?" He probed gently and he felt Teyla tense beside him again, her eyes dropping to her hands.

"No," she said tersely and Kanaan nodded.

He hadn't thought so, anyway. He did not press. Torren trotted to her, nudging her legs slightly as he waved a small package wrapped in a napkin in her face. Frowning, Teyla took it from his grasp and opened it slowly, a large smile forming on her face for a brief moment before she looked across the room to Sheppard, who Kanaan could see was trying to hide his smile. He met Rebecca's eyes for a moment, sending a brief smile to her before she looked away, back to Beckett. Teyla sat back against him and pulled a floret of pink icing from the napkin and Kanaan noticed it was in the shape of a rose, from the cake he had seen on the buffet table. He smiled lightly as she dropped the piece of icing onto her tongue.

"Thank you, Torren," she said and ruffled the boys hair as he moved away from her again, to the two men at the window. She sat back and Kanaan closed his book, slipping his bookmark into place. She sighed and leaned her head back. "The Apollo found a ZPM." Kanaan perked up at that, feeling the adrenaline secrete into his blood at her words. "They had to use it to power their shields in a fight against an old enemy; by the time they got it back to Earth, there was barely enough power to raise the shield." Kanaan felt himself deflate, despite himself and he felt Teyla's body sag slightly. He knew she desired very much to return to their people; a desire that had grown more and more these past few months. Such false hope must have been crushing for her. He looked over to his son who was playing happily with his surrogate family and Kanaan wondered if they would – if they _should _– take Torren away from these people. They needed him as much as he needed them; he was possibly one of the few things tying them all together, still. "It is disappointing, and Rodney's research does not go so well."

Kanaan didn't know whether to advocate, or console so he did neither, choosing silence which she could interpret as she chose. It was weak of him but when the answer was unclear to him, he could not counsel another – especially not Teyla.

"It is as it should be," Kanaan said eventually as he laid a hand over hers and she turned to smile at him. "And for now, the Ancestors wish us to be here."

She nodded and sighed, some of the tension draining from her body. He was glad; for many years, she had sought counsel from those of Atlantis – or rather, had only been eased by the counsel of those of Atlantis. Since being on Earth, she sought Kanaan's counsel and was soon eased by it. He wondered if perhaps their stay on Earth was wearing more on Teyla than she would ever admit and at one time he would have asked Sheppard but it seemed Sheppard knew Teyla less than Kanaan had ever thought possible.

"I should apologise," she said quietly some minutes of silence later and Kanaan turned to her, frowning. "I said some things..."

Kanaan shook his head and turned, smiling, to Sheppard who had Torren clambering up his back. Teyla followed his gaze and let out a puff of laughter.

"I am sure he understands," Kanaan said lightly as he turned back to Teyla, smiling warmly up at her. "But I know you will not rest until you do what you feel is right."

She smiled down to him indulgently, brushing her lips against his before she stood.

"I will return."

As he watched her approach Sheppard, her hand touching his elbow as she drew to his side, Kanaan flipped open his book and shook his head.

--

In the lull of their conversation, Carson found his eyes wandering to the snow falling beyond the window and to the two people highlighted against the bright whiteness beyond. It was an old habit of his, from those first years on Atlantis when he'd sought for clues that would win him the bets going around. He'd noticed, on his return to Atlantis all those years ago now, that Teyla was pregnant and missing and Sheppard was willing to kill himself to get her back. He hadn't thought for a moment that the child hadn't been Sheppard's until he'd tried to rescue Teyla from Michael's grip in the old warehouse.

There were trends in the two's relationship that he was sure they were oblivious to and Carson had been sure, until last year, that the two would eventually get together, despite Kanaan. They hadn't – they weren't – and Carson no longer thought that they would; he'd seen the subtle change in the way Sheppard looked at the lassie, the way they argued when they thought no one was looking – and it wasn't just the heated bickering of the first year on Earth -, the way they stood and sat and spoke with one another. To Carson, their relationship had been characterised by the game of push and pull they'd played since day one and while neither of them pushed, they'd also stopped to pull the other in. Carson didn't know if it was the distance – she was in Colorado, he was in Antarctica – or the lovely lady sitting beside Carson but it seemed that... The thought almost broke Carson's heart because he still had two thousand dollars riding on that damn bet but the two seemed to have gotten over one another.

And then tonight had happened and Carson wasn't so sure anymore.

Jennifer lay against Rodney on the large sofa in front of the fire and it hadn't gone unnoticed by Carson that they were the only couple seated together. Ronon stood by the buffet table, picking up pieces as he wandered from one end to the other and back, not bothering with a plate, while Kanaan sat in a chair by a long thin window near the fire. Sheppard, Torren and Teyla stood at the window, the toddler resting sleepily on Sheppard's hip, his head lolling against the soldier's shoulder as he spoke quietly to Teyla.

There wasn't anything overly intimate about the situation – except for the glaringly obvious setting, he thought as he rolled his eyes at the picturesque hotel they were in – but there was something _there _that Carson couldn't quite put his finger on.

"What is she to him?"

Carson started and turned his eyes back to Rebecca as she looked beyond Carson's shoulder to the pair at the window and Carson winced slightly. He wondered if his musings, his staring had drawn her attention to them.

"Excuse me?"

Rebecca quirked a smile at him and he instantly eased back into the chair. The girl was far from naive; she obviously knew enough to not ask the question with the complicated answer and Carson grinned internally.

"Teyla – what is she to John?"

Carson sighed, weighing his options. He didn't think she would appreciate a lie – thought maybe she knew enough already to know that he _was _lying.

"The man risked his life to save her – many times."

It was as empty an answer as Carson had ever given and he was glad his politics classes in university had been good for something.

"That doesn't answer my question, Carson," she said lightly, though there was an edge to her tone and Carson heaved a sigh.

"Listen, don't take this the wrong way," he said as he took her upper arm in his grasp, squeezing her lightly before looking away again, studiously avoiding the objects of his thoughts. "But for a long time I was sure she was the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with."

To Carson's surprise, Rebecca let out an almost delighted sigh, a smile playing at the edges of her lips that Carson daren't interpret. Carson watched her as she studied Sheppard, her eyes travelling over his body and Carson inwardly groaned at the sudden change in the colour of her eyes. Her eyes flicked back to Carson and he smiled tightly, unsurely as her grin lessened to a thin smile.

"I don't need the rest of his life." Carson frowned but she continued. "What we have just now is more than enough."

Carson blinked once, twice but didn't say anything.

John Sheppard was a very lucky man.


	6. Passing Time

Title: Passing Time

Summary: Ronon was bored. Very bored.

Characters: Ronon, Carson, Sheppard, Teyla, Lorne. Mostly Ronon.

Pairing: None

Rating: K+

Spoilers: _Enemy at the Gate_

The ramp beneath his feet gave a loud clang as he exited the wormhole, the sound of his footsteps echoing around the room, even as the sirens blared. He nodded once up to General Landry and knew he would need to have a conversation with the man very soon. Working at the SGC had been the only way the people of Earth were going to allow him access to Atlantis knowledge; he had no place on the City now that it had been turned into a scientific outpost, manned by military and under the control of the IOA. He hadn't minded initially and he and Lorne had made quick work of getting on a team together but it just wasn't the same. Lorne had joked with him that it was just because there wasn't that many people to shoot in the Milky Way and Ronon had agreed. He was a fighter; he was supposed to be out fighting the bad guys and now that there wasn't that many bad guys – and certainly none they needed to be hugely worried about – he was... _bored. _

He would never admit it out loud but he missed having Sheppard and Teyla around; had missed being in the city of the ancestors and knowing that they could do pretty much anything because they were out of reach of the politicians. On Earth, in the SGC and Atlantis, the military were much less relaxed and didn't have as much time to just _hang_; here reports were due the day of the mission; they even had to fill out the IOA reports every week, rather than the night before the data burst back to Earth. It made for a very stuffy, very boring life because although Ronon still didn't right anything down, the others did. And it was boring. Very boring. None of the non-Atlantis base personnel were willing to spar with him and Teal'c was only onbase for a couple of days a month, which only heightened how much he missed Teyla and Sheppard. He'd been in the mess hall the other day and they'd been serving lemon chicken and instead of turning to annoy McKay, he'd moved quietly along and kept his comments to himself. In that moment, he have missed having someone to annoy.

He dropped the P-90 he'd been issued with at the armoury, wiggling his own weapon at the sergeant on duty to show that he still had it and moved onto the locker room. What he hated most about the SGC was that they made him wear the uniform – and not the standard black one that they'd had on Atlantis; he had the choice of blue or green, and when he'd told them he'd prefer neither they hadn't been impressed. He was more than happy when Lorne had made the choice for him, calling him of a morning to let him know if they were wearing green rather than blue that day. It was a sorry story that that was the highlight of his day most often. He stripped the heavy, un-co-operative vest and jacket off, tossing them into the pile in the far corner before stripping off and heading to the showers. He was covered in mud after Lieutenant Caden had slipped and fallen down an embankment, somehow managing to pull Ronon down with him.

He could hear the team talking from inside the shower and he let out a small laugh at some of the jokes, shaking his head at the lewd comments before rubbing himself off with soap. Lorne began to hum quietly beside Ronon as the shower started and Ronon shook his head; he'd never had to experience this on Atlantis.

"What you doing tonight, Ronon?"

Reaching up to tie his dreads behind his head, Ronon turned and let the water run down his back, glancing to Lorne for a moment.

"There's a bar not far from Beckett's place," he said and Lorne nodded, as he resumed humming.

Quickly, Ronon finished off, tying the towel around his waist. It was strange; he'd always thought himself closest to Sheppard but since their return to Earth, he'd spent more and more time with Beckett. Most of that, he knew, was down to geography – Beckett was closer than Sheppard – but he also found that he enjoyed the Scots company. On Atlantis, he'd always been wary of the clone, wondering when he would turn on them but as the months passed on Earth, that unease had dwindled and the two were friendlier than they had been before the other Carson died. He'd stayed close to Teyla but since she had a job of her own and had chosen to stay out of matters dealing with the SGC and wasn't really privy to the goings on of Atlantis, they'd had less and less to talk about until they only called or emailed one another once a week. It was strange because they had been on Earth just less than a year and things had changed very drastically for the Atlantis team.

--

"I was thinking of doing a bit of travelling," Carson said, and he was sure his words were rolling into one another but when Ronon nodded, he knew it didn't matter. "Thinkin' a wee bit about Germany, Italy – Poland; I've never been to Poland. Germany invaded Poland in 1939 so they did."

He took a sip of his beer and sighed, watching out of the corner of his eye as Ronon grinned at a young lady passing by them who had paused to glance at the Satedan. Carson grinned too, the big man had hardly had a minute to himself without a lovely lassie sidling up to his side. He wondered how his head fit through the door when he went to the toilet; it was big enough with those dreadlocks on it as it was.

"I'm bored."

"Well excuse me," Carson protested indignantly, swinging his head to the Satedan who simply frowned and shook his head dismissively.

"With... work." Carson took a moment to let the words sink in before he let his hackles settle and sat back in his chair. "There's no one for me to shoot."

Carson let out a light chuckle at that and shook his head.

"Just give it time." Ronon grunted and looked away, glancing around the room again. "You'll settle in." Ronon nodded absently, his eyes becoming distant and Carson frowned. Contemplative moodiness was not something he was accustomed to experiencing while in the company of Ronon. Logically Carson knew Ronon had a lot to be contemplative about – he had, after all, just left his home galaxy possibly never to return in the hands of the Wraith and even more, he'd spent seven years of his life on the run from the Wraith, while being one of two remaining survivors of his planet full of people. And now his best friend was thousands of miles away at world's end embroiled in things Carson hardly knew about. He sighed and flicked his gaze back over Ronon. "You could come with me." Ronon turned to him and raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "To Europe."

The eyebrow furrowed and Ronon looked confused for a moment before he nodded once, non commitedly.

"I'd have to... _ask_."

Carson chuckled and patted Ronon on the shoulder as he stood; he really needed to pee.

"Just remind Mr Coolidge that you saved his life – twice! – and I'm sure he'll give you whatever you want."

Ronon quirked the corner of his lips up in a rueful smile that was so uncharacteristic of him that it froze Carson's smile for a moment.

"Not everything."

Carson simply nodded and walked away.

--

The phone at the side of his bed rang and he grumbled loudly at it, willing the incessant ringing to stop. He had only gotten in from a sixteen hour hiking trek with Lorne's team three hours ago and he was _tired. _The whole mission had been a disaster, diplomatically, militarily, mechanically and Ronon really, really wanted to just roll over and go to sleep. It had not been his wisest decision to go drinking with Carson the night before a mission and he vowed he would never do it again because while he'd felt all right when he'd woken up, the humidity and the trek through thick undergrowth had exacerbated any mal feelings he may have had.

The ringing continued and he swatted in its general direction, hoping to dislodge the device. He never thought he'd miss the radio communication system of Atlantis but now he knew the merits of being able to turn things off.

"What?"

"Well good morning to you, too, buddy."

Ronon grunted at the sound of the familiar voice and rolled onto his back, running his hand across his forehead. His dreads stuck into his back and he shifted, dislodging the one that had been pushing against his spine. The things were getting heavy.

"It's the middle of the night," he growled down the line but Sheppard only laughed.

"By my calculations it's about nine at night and you're usually in a bar right now with Carson."

Ronon groaned and sat up, glancing to the digital clock on the stand next to his bed. He felt as though he had been lying in the dark for hours when in reality it had only been an hour at most. He rolled his neck, feeling the muscles complain at the motion and he sighed; his neck did not appreciate his hair.

"Not tonight," he grunted as he stood up, stretching his legs, wincing slightly as he put too much weight down on his slightly sprained ankle: _stupid scientist was even worse than McKay_, Ronon thought as he remembered hiking back through some undergrowth to haul Pattinson's ass out of a small quarry. His lethargic legs hadn't reacted quickly enough as the ground underfoot began to shift and he'd been pulled into the quarry with him. "What's up?"

"Fancy a visit?" Ronon quirked an eyebrow but remained silent; a visit _from _Sheppard, or a visit _to _Sheppard, he wondered. "We've found some new Ancient device that McKay wants to test on Teyla."

He frowned again and leaned against the chest of drawers lining the wall; he had the sudden urge to look out of a window to the sea below but this far underground, a window was not possible – less so a view of the sea.

"Why Teyla?"

"It's some anti-Wraith thing McKay wants to test on her," he continued, his voice wavering slightly and Ronon was sure he heard voices in the background before Sheppard's voice became distant as he spoke to whoever had spoken to him. "Sorry," he said some moments later and Ronon made a noise in the back of his throat. "Yeah, I don't know I just do what I'm told."

"Have you spoken to Teyla?"

There was a pause and Ronon furrowed his brow. Things hadn't been right between Sheppard and Teyla since they'd arrived on Earth and since Teyla had chosen not to take part in the program unless it had something to do with returning to Pegasus, the rift had only gotten wider. While Ronon would never say anything, he thought it was childish.

"Yeah, she's going to talk to Kanaan about it but she says she thinks she can come."

Ronon detected the well-concealed bitter tone but didn't comment on it. A voice spoke in the background and Sheppard replied in the affirmative, a small laugh escaping and Ronon quirked an eyebrow.

"What if she doesn't?" He asked once Sheppard's attention had returned.

He could hear the smile in Sheppard's voice as he replied; "I'm sure we'll find something for you to blow up."

Ronon smiled.

"Good." He pushed off from the wall. "When does it need blown up?"

Sheppard laughed again and Ronon let out a small smile.

"As soon as we hear back from Teyla."

"Okay."

When Sheppard hung up, Ronon dialled a familiar number. She picked up after the third ring.

"You going?" He said by way of greeting and he heard her laugh; he smiled with her.

"Yes."

"Cool."

"I will see you soon, Ronon."


	7. Recurring Sunday

Title: Recurring Sundays  
Summary: He knew it wasn't just a DVD but he let her in, anyway.  
Characters: John Sheppard, OC Rebecca Cole & a little bit of McKay  
Pairing: Sheppard/Rebecca, Sheppard-Teyla  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Enemy at the Gate

Sheppard sighed as he sat down on the long sofa in the lounge. He slouched further into it when he felt the welcoming comfort and rested his head against the back; his hand rose to his eyes and he dug his fingers into the inner corner of his eyes, pinching his nose. It had been a long day. Hell, it had been a long month of boring interviews and awkward goodbyes. He'd been in the chair for the better part of the day trying to figure out a way to get the power from here to there and back again and seeing which parts of the city needed fixed the most. He doubted Rodney realised how draining that chair could be.

He picked up a magazine from the table and flicked through it; he was too tired to read – the words were even blurry on the page – so he just looked at the pictures, stopping at a couple to look a little closer. He smirked at one – an article about his brother's company taking over some big contract or another – and continued on without reading. It had been many years since he'd taken an interest in the business; his mind fled back to a time, a picture, similar to the one of Dave. It seemed like a millennia ago when he and his father had graced the front page of Time magazine; the Sheppard Empire, ready to switch hands. It hadn't been long after that that John had joined the Air Force.

The doors swished open and he looked up, smiling briefly to the woman that entered before returning his attention to the page in front of him. After a moment he sighed, snapped it shut and dropped it on the table with a loud slap. A murmur of laughter floated over him and he looked up, startled, to find the woman still standing there; he had assumed she was just passing through but the way she hovered in the doorway made John think she had plans to stay. He contemplated getting up, leaving because he really didn't feel like company but it seemed his lethargic body made the decision for him as it relaxed further into the chair.

"Hard day, huh?"

He let out a small laugh and nodded. She moved further into the room, standing at the far end of the sofa and Sheppard rolled his head in her direction, motioning with his eyes that it was okay for her to sit.

"You can say that again."

The doors slid open again and they both turned to see Rodney walk past, head bent over a console, completely ignorant of the pair sitting on the sofa. Sheppard grunted and shook his head while the woman next to him let out a small laugh.

"That's twice he's walked by me and not realised I was there," the woman said lightly, mockingly, shaking her head. John joined her.

"That's McKay; you get used to it after a while."

She quirked an eyebrow at him and pursed her lips and John could see humour rise up her cheeks. He narrowed his eyes at her, trying to contain the sudden urge to return her cheeky smile.

"I've worked for him for three years now, I got used to it a long time ago."

Sheppard winced and looked away, feeling like a crumb all of a sudden. He turned back to her again, seeing the laughter lines around her eyes. He smiled sheepishly to her and turned his hand, palm up and shrugged.

"Sorry," he said lightly, but with meaning and she shook her head.

"It's all right," she smiled. "I learned to keep my head down, especially when McKay was around," she said lightly and John nodded again; he'd witnessed firsthand Rodney McKay in his lab. It was not an environment Sheppard could imagine being pleasant to work in. McKay truly was king of the lab and anyone else in it was his minions.

She sighed and Sheppard turned to her, watching as she rolled her head on her delicate neck. She was thin – maybe a little too thin – and her skin was pale from lack of sunlight; she had eyes that were neither blue nor grey and they glittered slightly when he met her eyes. She was pretty, he'd give her that – with a delicate bone structure framed by light brown hair; she certainly didn't look like a lab squint and she gave off enough signals for even his sleepy brain to pick up on. He smiled and looked away, out of one of the narrow windows. The snow illuminated the darkness around as it reflected the moon's rays and once again he was struck by the absence of wound; the swells of the sea had been something he'd gotten used to hearing at night, in the quiet.

"I think-" he began, just as the woman spoke and they both laughed quietly, indicating the other to continue. "You go," he repeated when they shared another laugh and he found he enjoyed the sound. Since Teyla and Ronon had left Atlantis, it had just been him and Rodney, and sometimes Beckett; the chance to talk – however briefly – with another human being about something that was not relating to power fluctuations or living arrangements was welcome.

"I was going to say that I was maybe going to swing by the mess hall before heading to bed; I'm starving."

John smiled lightly at the veiled invitation, feeling his ego puff a little at her attention. He looked around the small throughway that served as a lounge, back to the read magazines on the table in front of him and decided that some food wouldn't go amiss with him either.

He turned back to her as he sat up on the sofa, rubbing his open palms down the front of his BDU's.

"I was going to head back to my quarters, I'll walk with you."

He could be subtle too.

They shared a smile as they stood and John had to close his eyes for a moment as his head throbbed; it really had been a long day and he wondered if maybe he should give the mess hall a miss; he didn't really know this woman anyway – hell, he didn't even know her name – but the thought of spending the next few months with only Rodney for company had his stomach growling for food it didn't really need.

She paused at the transporter and turned to him, a wry grin at the edges of her lips and he found himself smiling in amusement with her.

"I'm Rebecca, Rebecca Cole and you don't need to introduce yourself."

He lifted his eyebrows in surprise, feeling heat tinge his cheeks lightly. He grinned, smoothly brushing by her into the transporter. She followed him and he lifted an eyebrow in her direction, grinning when she mirrored it with one of her own.

"The mess hall then?" He asked lightly and she nodded.

"The mess hall."

--

Teyla called. They'd argued. Since she had left the base just over two months before, John had heard little from her and when they did speak, it was with terse words and bitter disappointment. He understood that she was struggling with settling into Earth – or rather, with not going back to her people – but, as he'd told himself and Ronon over and over again, she had been given the option to stay behind in Pegasus. And he'd made the mistake of reminding her of this on the phone a couple of hours before and she'd spoken quickly and quietly before hanging up on him.

The SGC – or whoever, John had been to so many meetings since their return to Earth four months ago that they had all rolled into one – had agreed on a lump sum settlement for repayment for Teyla, had set her up in a house, had gotten her papers and gone about making sure she would be able to get a job if and when the time came for her to move on with her life on Earth. John knew she appreciated but he also knew that a part of her resented it because of its permanency. She had told him she had been under no illusions that she would be on Earth for some time but the meetings with the IOA had shown her that a return trip to Pegasus, whether in Atlantis or in one of the ships, was not high on their list of priorities – that it may not even be _on _their list.

But he didn't have the time to feel bad about it; he had been under review by the IOA since the moment he stepped through the Stargate and he wasn't entirely sure if the outcome was going to be favourable for him. They had gone through all of his mission reports with a fine toothcomb, pulling them to shreds even more than they had done when they'd first got them. He'd had to defend every action and reaction he'd ever made, he'd been made to question some of his decisions and relive some of the moments of his past that he really didn't want to think about – leaving Elizabeth behind had been something they had went on and on and on about and John just really wanted to forget about it and move on. McKay had been going on and on about experiments and tests and possible labs for building ZPMs and he was finding it very difficult to keep his head above water. He'd laughed at the irony of the fact that life another galaxy, under constant threat from the Wraith had been easier than life on his own planet.

He really wanted to spar but Ronon was thousands of miles away and he didn't think McKay would take too kindly to the suggestion of more physical activity than was absolutely necessary. He thought about asking Rebecca but the thought of her slight frame trying to defend against his staves blow made him shake the thought away. He sighed and rolled his head on his neck; he'd just go for a run, he decided as he spotted his iPod and trainers at the far side of the room.

Changing quickly he chose a playlist and slid the iPod into his pocket, stretching against his bed. In the corridor, a few passing scientists nodded and looked confused.

The corridors were fuller than he ever remembered them being back in Pegasus; more people had access to the City now that it was back on Earth and scientists of all backgrounds had converged on it, dismantling this, testing that. While it was good to see the City so full, John missed the emptiness the Pegasus galaxy had offered. He ran passed the anthropological labs and glanced in to see them pouring over some of the things they'd collected from hundreds of different planets; physicists in the Jumper Bay jumped up when he came pounding through but he waved them down and continued on.

His heart thudded in his chest and he felt exhilarated as the blood rushed through his veins; he hadn't had this much physical activity for a very long time – longer than he dared think – and his legs burned in protest but he revelled in the sensation. He stayed confined to the long corridors and overhead tunnels – this was not the old planet and the snow outside was unwelcoming and John missed his quiet moments on the far piers. He and Teyla used to sit out on the south pier for months, not long after they arrived in the city, just to watch the tall spires of their citadel glitter in the night; he and Ronon used to run along the long connecting arms that joined the piers to one another, breathing in lungful after lungful of unpolluted sea air. He missed his team – his _friends _-; especially Teyla. Even before they'd left Atlantis, he'd had the sneaking suspicion that she might not be with the team for much longer. She had withdrawn from them, spending less and less time with them outside of missions and while he understood she had a family now to take up her time, he had felt slighted by her.

Ministry of Sound changed to Johnny Cash and he felt his steps slow in response to the shift in beat; looking around he saw that he had run to the far end of one of the piers through the overhead tunnels and he slowed, coming to a stop at one of the observatory windows and leaned against the windowsill. The City was cold this far out from the centre and he breathed in huge breaths of air through his nose, feeling the chill burn his overtaxed lungs. It burned but as he watched the snow glisten in the dusk light, he didn't mind. He lifted his sports bottle to his lips and took a long drink of water, feeling it hit his stomach seconds later. He felt _alive _for the first time in weeks – since Ronon and Teyla had left for warmer climates in the North. His body thrummed with the vibrancy of the city as he overlooked the Prince Charles Mountains.

He couldn't believe he was calling Antarctica home, once again.

In the distance, something caught his eye and he squinted, laughing slightly as he realised it was a group of Penguins; John had forgotten that they weren't very far in land and he wondered how far it was to the sea. It was an odd thought, but he missed the sound of the water, the sight of his glistening in the overhead light.

He sighed. He knew Antarctica was no place to raise a child but there was a part of him that wished Teyla had stayed; she had seemed enthralled by the expanse of snow and ice in those first few weeks and he'd encountered her on the balconies late some nights, as he had done many times in Atlantis. In those moments, things had seemed fine. In that respect, Teyla was like the snow below – beautiful and serene to look at but dangerous, too. He'd known she was dangerous – for him, at least – for a long time but he'd allowed himself, in those moments, to forget that. He hoped they'd be able to figure something out soon; he really hated the tension between them – and even Ronon had come to realise it wasn't like before; that there was something seriously not right with them. He remembered the strange welcome they'd gotten the week before, after John had let Ronon drive his car to her place (he still couldn't believe the Satedan had known how to drive this whole time and hadn't told him); even Ronon had been surprised by just _how cold _she had been to John.

They would figure something out; they always did.

He jogged to a transporter and found himself instantly back at where he'd started. Different scientists greeted him and he stopped to answer their questions, while they stared at his sweat covered tee shirt in distaste. He simply smiled as they nodded and walked away; he still found it amusing that Rodney didn't believe Sheppard was a math 'genius'- they'd had numerous competitions in Pegasus (and a couple here in the last few weeks) but McKay still refused to believe it, especially after Sheppard let him win a few times.

In his quarters he stripped his shirt off and tossed it on the floor, shedding his trousers as he moved to the small bathroom. The shower was already running and it had steamed up the mirror, so he swiped his hand across it and looked at his reflection. The dark circles under his eyes were particularly apparent this evening; his hair was flat from sweat and his cheeks flushed from exertion. He chuckled quietly to himself; no wonder the scientists had stared at him.

He looked down to his watch and noted the date. He felt a pang in his chest and the twist in his gut that his mind fought to understand. He wondered if Beckett knew that today was the anniversary of the 'real' Carson's death. For Sheppard, it was paradoxical enough – how could he mourn for someone when that person, for all intents and purposes, was alive and well and still one of his best friends? – so he couldn't imagine how disturbing it must be for Beckett. He sort of hoped the Scot didn't know; Rodney had gone to Colorado to visit the doctor and Sheppard felt another pang for his friend.

In the shower, he sighed and tried to let the water drain away all of his worries. The steam rose from the bottom up and cleared his sinuses and he breathed in the limey freshness of his shower gel, letting it cleanse his mind for a few moments. The warmth was welcoming and he ducked his head under the spray, rubbing a small dollop of shampoo through his hair, taking a moment to spike it up into a Mohawk, grinning childishly before rinsing the soap out of his eyes and shutting the shower off.

He dried off, tying a towel around his waist as he moved back into the room in search of some fresh clothes. He glanced at his jeans, his BDU's and his sweats, contemplating which to put on – did he want to stay in his quarters all night, or go and see who else was about? He might go look for Rebecca and see if she wanted to grab something to eat, in which case he'd wear the jeans or-

The door bells chimed and he cursed, pulling on a pair of boxers and reaching for the first pair of trousers he could reach, pulling the jeans up over his legs. He ran the towel over his hair as he called out to the person on the other side of the door while he looked around for a shirt. He grabbed a black, long sleeved tee and pulled it over his head and moved to the door, rubbing the towel over his hair again. He didn't even want to imagine how spiky it was.

The doors slid open to reveal Rebecca on the other side and he smiled in greeting to her as she eyed him from head to toe, quirking her eyebrow slightly. He was more than aware of their mutual attraction but had decided not to go there.

"I just came to see if you wanted to watch a DVD or something?" She said as she held up a small bag and he frowned slightly.

He hated these moments in life; he got what she was asking and there was no way he could answer without making her feel rejected – which he definitely didn't want to do, even if he _was _rejecting her.

So he sighed and lifted his eyes to meet hers.

"Listen I..." He trailed off and rubbed at his hair again with the towel, hoping to find the words. She quirked an eyebrow expectantly and John hated that she could smile even though she probably knew what he was going to say. "I know this sounds _really _clichéd but... I'm in a really weird place right now – we've just come back from another galaxy, two of my friends have left and... It's just a weird... time."

She smiled and took a step towards him, her eyes narrowing slightly as she licked her lips and he had the sudden desire to retract the words he'd just spoken.

"I've found that weird places aren't as weird when you have company." He pursed his lips and tried not to smile, tried not to let her see just how interested he was – not that she couldn't know, not after these last few weeks. She glanced over him once again and he found his eyes doing the same, taking in her jean clad legs and the blue cotton top and he let out a small breath. "It's just a DVD."

John knew it wasn't _just _a DVD but he let her in, anyway.

He hoped to God he knew he what he was doing.


	8. Raw

Title: Raw  
Summary: The tears fell from her eyes and she rested her head on the steering wheel, not sure if her tears were of joy at the thought of seeing her people once again, or for all that she was leaving behind.  
Characters: Teyla, Sheppard  
Pairing: John/Teyla, Teyla/Kanaan  
Rating: K+  
Spoilers: _Enemy at the Gate_

She uncurled her legs from underneath her and slid her feet to the floor, watching as the light flickered over his face. In the amber glow of twilight, he looked almost ethereal and she felt her stomach clench at the sight of his raw beauty, her heart missing a bit before picking up an un-rhythmic staccato. The cold floor sent a jolt through her body as her feet connected with the surprising chill and she instantly recoiled from it, drawing her knees up to her chest once again, laying her head on her knees as she continued to watch him. He shifted slightly, the sheets tangling around his body as he reached out to where she lay, contacting only with the empty air; his brow furrowed but he didn't wake. Instead, her throat closed up as she watched him tug her pillow into his face – she could hear him inhale her scent from across the room and the sound made her close her eyes against the sudden, bitter tears there.

This was not how she envisioned the last time she would see him; desperate, nostalgic, painful and loving – it had been loving, despite it all. She hitched a breath and looked to him again and bit back the words that threatened to spill from her lips and wake him. Her breaths were uneven and choked and she wondered if even those would wake him; she put her fist into her mouth to stop them from pouring out and forced herself to calm down. It would do neither of them any good if she were to break down _now _when she had been so composed only hours earlier.

_He sneered at her, shaking his head in aggravation as he turned away, not able to look at her. She bit the inside of her lip and narrowed her eyes; he had __**no right **__to feel this way – not now. _

"_So that's it? You're just... you're leaving?"_

_This time, she did narrow her eyes and took a step towards him, watching as his dark eyes followed her movements, his chest rising and falling as she took another step into him, her fists clenching slightly at her sides. _

"_This is not my home."_

_He blanched but she could not find it in herself to regret her words. For five long years she had fought for this; for the chance to return to her people and when she had given up hope – resigned herself to staying on Earth (contenting herself, she would admit) – they had given her that chance. The Daedalus was venturing to the outer edges of the Pegasus Galaxy; Colonel Dakota would drop them off at the nearest available planet, if they wished. _

_She wished it, so very much. The chance to see her people, to return __**home **__was such a comforting thought that she had not thought twice about nodding, almost hugging Mr Woolsey when he spoke the words to her. _

"_You've made that abundantly clear over the last couple of years," he said lowly, taking a step back from her and she was not sure if the hurt tone in his voice was meant for her ears but she heard it none the less. _

"_I have __**tried**__-"_

"_I know," he said cutting her off and she took a step back, frowning in confusion at his words – the tone he spoke them in. "This is what you've wanted since we got here; I'm just used to having you here."_

_She narrowed her eyes again, though there was no anger behind the gesture and she felt her hand reach out, felt her fingers touch the skin on his wrist and he smiled, almost wistfully before encircling her wrist with his long fingers and pulling them from her skin. She hissed at the contact, although it was not unpleasant. He quirked a crooked grin at her and she felt a small smile tug at her own lips and she drew her hand back to her side, breaking their too comfortable touch. _

"_You have been in Antarctica, you have not been here-" she began but faltered as his eyes met hers, intense and she forgot the words she meant to say. _

"_But you were __**here**__, not in another galaxy."_

_She nodded in understanding and looked away, her tongue peeking out to wet her suddenly dry lips and she gulped down the sudden lump in her throat. _

"_I have... missed my people, John," she said, resigned and looked up to him, meeting his pained stare before he hid the emotion behind his mask. "I cannot... I cannot miss this opportunity."_

_He nodded and looked away, a broken smile stealing across his lips. _

"_You won't be able to come back."_

_Her heart fluttered at the thought, before settling heavily in her chest and she closed her eyes. She would have her son, Kanaan and her people. It would be as it was on Earth, only in her own galaxy and she would have her oldest friends around her. She nodded quickly, a quick repetitive movement that made him smile slightly. She felt his fingers on her hands, her shoulders and she could sense his indecision. She looked up to him, despite the cloud of darkness that suddenly surrounded her in his hotel room. He met her eyes, that intense stare stopping her heart in her chest and she felt his lean fingers skim over the skin on her neck, cradling his jaw before he slid his fingers into her hair, resting his thumbs on her pulse point just below her ears. _

_Her heart thudded in her chest and she ducked her head into his touch but he urged her to look up to him, to his penetrating gaze and she felt his fingers tense on her skin and she almost moaned at that. An immeasurable time passed and he leaned forward, his eyes holding hers and in that moment, she thought he would kiss her. She hoped for it, yet dreaded it knowing that her walls would crumble and her careful reasoning would mean nothing if his lips touched hers. Yet her body leaned into his, her hands rising to grip his wrists, fearing he would pull back. She could feel his breath on her face, his pulse almost as fast as hers in his veins. _

_She closed her eyes when his lips brushed her forehead, his nose bumping hers before resting his forehead against hers. Her body sagged, relieved and disappointed all at once and she bit back the sudden emotion that she'd held back for the past ten years. _

"_I'll miss you," he murmured, pressing his face to hers and drew her into his arms._

_She could only nod in response._

On the wall, the television still played the movie they'd pretended to watch as they lay on the bed in silence, watching one another as the sun set behind the buildings across the street. In the strange light, they'd learned one another again – the new lines on each others' faces, the old familiar half smiles and coy grins. When he'd touched a strand of her hair, drawing across her cheek lightly she'd shivered and he'd half grinned before laying his palm against her hair and smiling.

"_I like it longer," he said and she rolled her eyes. _

"_I like yours shorter," she said as she ruffled the limp spikes and he pulled back playfully. _

"_It's not like Antarctica has many barber shops on street corners."_

"_No," she said with a smile, "I suppose there aren't."_

She moved to the edge of the bed and she felt his body migrate instantly to her heat, his hand reaching out to her and she let him find her waist but resisted when he tried to draw her back to the bed. He woke at her resistance and she smiled quietly down to him as he blinked up at her, his free hand coming to rub at his sleep fogged eyes. She didn't say anything as he re-oriented himself but she felt his hand tighten on her skin for a moment before his arm fell away. He sat up slowly, his eyes finding hers as she met his sad smile with another of her own.

"You have to go." She wasn't sure if it was a question but she nodded anyway, noting the slight hitch in his breathing. His eyes moved around the room, to the TV on the wall then back to hers. "Will I..." he began but trailed off again, shaking his head. "I'll come around in the morning," he said and she felt her eyebrows rise slightly. "To see Torren," he explained and she nodded, smiling.

"He will like that."

"I won't." She frowned instantly, wondering if she should be offended. "Saying goodbye to him, I mean." She nodded again.

She stood, nodding to reassure herself that she _really _had to go. She was torn; fearful of what would happen once they got to Pegasus. She had no doubt her people would welcome them back gladly but... what if they had moved on to another planet? What if they had been culled? What if... She shook her head to clear those thoughts out of her mind.

Life was not built on what ifs.

John did not rise from the bed to follow her and again she was torn; glad for the distance from him, desperate for his comforting touch once more. He watched her retreat – she could feel his eyes on her as she gathered her bag and jacket – and a part of her wished she had slipped out of the room while he had still been asleep, while another – larger – part of her knew that this was the right way. At the door she turned back to him and smiled, letting the tears come to her eyes and she saw him bite the inside of his lip.

"I am glad to have known you, John Sheppard."

She saw his eyes tighten, even as he smiled back at her.

"Yeah." She opened the door, looking beyond him, out of the window, and smiled at the indigo night. "Teyla?" She focussed her eyes back on him, was aware of the conflict there and she struggled with her own. "I..." he shook his head and she felt her heart flutter slightly as he muttered to himself. "Yeah." He finished with a nod and she returned, knowing what it was he had meant to say.

"Take care," she murmured to him and felt a jolt as the words brought back memories of another painful goodbye.

"You too."

The door shut with a soft click and she closed her eyes, fighting both the sad tears and the relieved smile. Each step she took away from the door fuelled the conflict within her but she continued on, into the warm night towards the Volvo parked illegally in front of the hotel. Inside, she flipped the radio on, ignoring the glares from the valet at the door. The tears fell from her eyes and she rested her head on the steering wheel, not sure if her tears were of joy at the thought of seeing her people once again, or for all that she was leaving behind.

_How many roads you've travelled  
How many __dreams__ you've chased  
Across sand and sky and gravel  
Looking for one safe place_


	9. Impasse

Title: Impasse  
Summary: He and Teyla had been at an impasse for too many months now.  
Characters: Sheppard, Teyla, Rodney, Ronon, Rebecca  
Pairing: Sheppard-Teyla, Sheppard/Rebecca  
Rating: K+  
Spoilers: _Enemy at the Gate_

Sheppard leaned against the wall in the far side of the lab watching as McKay briefed Teyla on the machine they'd found on one of the many searches of the city. It had taken them many months to get the clearance to start the machine; why research Wraith genetics when they didn't have to deal with the Wraith anymore? Sheppard rolled his eyes at the argument the IOA panel had put forth before even Mr Woolsey turned on them – what if Atlantis was to go back to Pegasus? Didn't they owe it to the people of Pegasus to utilise the research available to them?

Teyla nodded along with Rodney and Sheppard could see her and Ronon exchange amused looks at McKay's continued babble and chatter. While he'd never admit it, it was obvious that the man had missed his two friends. Pushing himself off the wall he moved to stand beside Teyla, noting how she tilted her body in his direction when he got to her side; he realised in that moment that he missed the way they responded to each other, very much. Five years on the same team – saving each other's asses – had made them hyper aware of one another's presence.

He bit back the smile; things were still weird between them.

"All right, Rodney, enough talk." McKay huffed and glared at Sheppard who simply rolled his eyes. "She's done this before, Rodney," he reminded him gently and McKay nodded quickly.

"I know I'm just... being careful."

Sheppard smiled then; McKay had had too much experience with Ancient tech going wrong but it still surprised Sheppard – and Ronon and Teyla, apparently – when McKay showed the selfless part of himself. Living without the constant fear of Wraith attacks was good for McKay. Or maybe it was Keller's influence.

"That is very kind of you, Rodney; I will be fine," Teyla murmured and took a step away from the console she was leaning on and smiled to Ronon. The big guy just looked happy to be there and Sheppard smiled.

"Right, okay," McKay said again and both Sheppard and Ronon stepped forward when Teyla moved to stand beside the machine that was hooked up to different consoles around the room. "We're just going to start off slow, okay?" Teyla nodded, her eyes meeting Sheppard's for a moment before she stepped into the device that looked far too much like a coffin for Sheppard's liking. "Just... think of where we are in the solar system." Sheppard looked to McKay, raised an eyebrow and McKay flushed. "Okay, umm," he murmured again as he read from the tablet in his hands. "Just, start slow, okay? We'll be over here watching you."

Teyla smiled and nodded, closing her eyes as the machine started humming. Sheppard watched as she slid her hands into the tiny nooks in the sides, her head sliding back into the small cut out curve. He could feel his heart beat speed up slightly, the way it always did when they did stupid stuff like this.

"What's it do?" Ronon grunted and Sheppard moved around the console to stand beside McKay watching the read out from the machine fluctuate. He glanced back to Teyla's face and saw her eyes move under her lids.

"We think it's a way to learn about Wraith fighting techniques."

"You think?"

"We hope," McKay clarified, getting grumpy and Sheppard met Ronon's eyes with a smile and lifted his eyebrows up and down quickly and Ronon rolled his eyes.

"And if it's not?"

"Then we'll find out, won't we?"

Sheppard changed tactics.

"How you been, buddy?" he asked Ronon, who didn't move from his protective stance beside the machine Teyla was currently cocooned inside.

"Bored."

"That bad, huh?" Ronon just grunted. "Right." He turned back to Teyla, glancing between the readouts and her tense face.

He'd missed this.

--

Teyla sighed as the images dissolved in front of her. She took a few moments to regain her centre of balance before she opened her eyes, blinking a few times to regain her focus. Ronon was there, his arm out stretched in an offer of assistance which she readily took up. Rodney was fluttering around the console murmuring happily to himself but she was too tired to smile. John was standing by the console, watching her as she stepped unsteadily out of the machine; she nodded to him and he tilted his head in return.

"I thought you were going to start out slow?"

Teyla frowned and reached a hand out to steady herself on the console that Rodney was working on. It was then she noted that the sky outside was no longer bright but dull, the grey of Antarctica's twilight alerting her to the fact that she must have been inside the machine for at least three hours. Looking at the small waste bin in the corner, she saw the remains of a quick snack and numerous disposable coffee cups. John's hair was standing on end, as though he had been running his hands through it all afternoon and Rodney looked drawn and tired, despite his excitement. She was surprised; it had felt like mere minutes since she stepped into the machine. She sighed and rolled her neck and it protested against the motion after such a long time in a stationary position.

"Sorry," she mumbled and she realised her words were thick, her voice low with thirst. A bottle of water appeared in her hands and she drank the warm liquid quickly, letting out a small sigh of pleasure as she felt it coat her throat. "I did not realise I had been in there for so long," she murmured and looked to Rodney apologetically.

"It's fine," John said casually. He pushed himself off the wall when a woman entered, a tablet and clipboard tucked under her arm. The woman nodded to the others in the room and moved to Sheppard, holding out the clipboard. "What's this?" He asked with a frown.

The woman smiled and lifted her eyebrow and Teyla was surprised by the light smile on the woman's features.

"Mr Woolsey beamed out an hour ago," she responded, her tone teasing and Teyla watched as John's eyes rose and met hers before glancing to the watch on his wrist. "I need you to sign off on these experiments."

"Will anything be blowing up?"

She quirked an eyebrow.

"Not in _my_ lab," she said with a quick, deliberate glare in Rodney's direction.

"Oh, very funny," Rodney grumbled, apparently catching the look and Teyla couldn't stop her own smile. "Not everyone has the pleasure of being an _underling_, Doctor Cole."

Rather than being offended, the woman rolled her eyes and turned back to John. Teyla was surprised by the half glare John had on his features.

"You all right?" Ronon asked her quietly and she nodded once, smiling.

"Thirsty, that is all."

"Hey Sheppard, mess hall?" Ronon said loudly and Teyla laughed lightly, thankful that, for the moment, she had her friend back. Sheppard turned to them then, smiling to Doctor Cole who took the opportunity to slip out of the room.

"Sure," he said and glanced to McKay. "You coming?"

Rodney made a disgruntled noise and shook his head.

"I need Teyla to tell me what she did, what happened and-"

"And Teyla needs her bread and water rations," John butted in and Teyla sent him a half smirk.

Things between them still weren't quite _right _and she had hoped that her presence in the city would bring a resolution to their differences as well as push her cause for a return trip to Pegasus. She was still desperate to return to her people, more so than she ever thought she would be. It was a longing that was so strong it was painful. She had, over the past months, tried to push it aside but the more she tried to ignore it, the more it plagued her every waking thought.

"All right, but only if I can ask questions while we eat."

John rolled his eyes, the corner of his lips lifting up in a half smirk and Teyla marvelled at how effortlessly they all worked together, even though she and John had barely spoken ten full sentences to one another since she had arrived. They had, after all, been experts on working together while avoiding one another for years.

She realised she regretted that decision now.

--

Ronon had somehow managed to forget how much Rodney could go on and on and on and on about the most boring subjects. As he shovelled food into his mouth, only half listening to Rodney ask questions the interrupt Teyla's answers, he watched Sheppard out of the corner of his eye. He wasn't oblivious to the change in his friend – he'd need to be blind, or ignoring him not to notice – and he wondered. It wasn't like he was nosy and he definitely wasn't going to ask but it seemed that the return to Earth had been better for Sheppard than Ronon had ever thought it would be. He'd seen the mess Sheppard was in before he'd left for the SGC and he wondered if it was possible for a few short months to change a person so drastically. His eyes slid to Teyla then, the way she could no longer hide her frustration with Rodney's prattle and decided that even less time could do even more damage to a person.

"Shut up, McKay," Ronon said dismissively and Rodney turned to him and gaped but Ronon ignored him. "Where's Beckett?" he asked of Sheppard, who had turned to watch a small gaggle of scientists walk in and Ronon watched as the one from earlier tilted her head in greeting, shaking her bottle of water and sandwich at him before leaving with the others. Ronon lifted an eyebrow, glancing to Sheppard who was just turning back to the table.

The guy was happy.

He glanced to Teyla who, he could see, had obviously seen the interaction and her eyes widened slightly before her eyebrow lifted imperceptibly.

"He's been in the labs since he got here," Sheppard responded and Ronon lifted an eyebrow in question. Sheppard simply tapped his ear piece and quirked a crooked grin. "Someone's got to keep track of them while daddy's out."

"And who is that?" Teyla asked, the humour not quite hiding the edge to her tone. Sheppard grinned sheepishly and ducked his head.

"Lorne?" The three of them laughed and Sheppard rolled his eyes. "Some things never change," Sheppard muttered and Ronon couldn't help but notice the sudden tightness in Teyla's jaw at Sheppard's words.

"And some things do."

Sheppard lifted his eyes and stared at her, his eyes blazing and Ronon sat back, waiting for the retort that he knew needed to come. There was a beat, then another and then Sheppard looked down, shaking his head evanescently and Ronon wondered what the hell just happened. He tried to catch McKay's attention – get the Canadian to leave – but he was oblivious and Ronon really wanted to just grab him by the collar and haul him out of there.

But Teyla rose before he could and sent them a curt good night before retreating to the quarters assigned to them for the duration of their stay.

Seconds passed and Rodney eventually looked up.

"Where'd Teyla go?"

Ronon ignored him and glared at the top of Sheppard's downturned head.

"You're an idiot."

--

John hadn't been able to spend the day in the lab with them like he had the day before so he'd had to suffice with the radio updates that he was sure Teyla made Rodney give. He was in his office – it actually got used now that he had to actually do proper, tedious administrative work – and had been all day and he was _bored_. The pile of paperwork had gone down – not by much, but enough for him to feel like he'd accomplished something – and the sky outside was only just beginning to grey. The perpetual winter clouds hung low in the sky and he missed the stars.

He dropped his pen and dug his fingers into his eyes, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. He was dehydrated and had the beginnings of a headache and he was hungry and... he felt like McKay. He grumbled again and rose, feeling his back twinge in protest but he steadfastly ignored it. He didn't like being reminded that he was getting _older_. Not old, just old_er_.

"I was beginning to think you were never going to move."

He snapped his head up and smiled instantly at the sight of Rebecca in the doorway. She was in jeans a t-shirt and he remembered suddenly that this was her only day off for the next eight days. She had already sent a small team to an Ancient base offworld and they were getting ready to relay information from that station to Atlantis in an effort to reduce the City's power consumption; their expansionist tendencies were quickly depleting the only ZPM they had and Rodney's experiments in the ZPM lab (and Zelenka's work on making the Naquadah generators compatible, for that matter) were turning out to be fruitless efforts.

"I think if I was sitting for any longer I wouldn't have been able to," he replied after a few moments and she smiled, raising her eyebrows.

"Come on," she said and held out her hand before ushering him to her side with it. He didn't take her hand and he knew she didn't expect him to. Instead, he brushed his fingers against her elbow and ushered her out of his office, directing her to the mess hall.

Once there, she found them a seat and he noted she'd chosen one of the larger tables and he turned to the doorway when he heard Rodney's loud protests. He looked to Rebecca, catching her eye and nodding his appreciation in her direction. He piled enough food on his plate to feed the five hundred and waited until the others came to stand beside him before gesturing to the table where Rebecca was talking to a couple of her colleagues and the others nodded. He noted Teyla's distance – again – and rolled his eyes internally. He was quickly getting sick of this game. He'd tried to be civil to her and had even went to her quarters after their half-encounter the night before but she'd brushed him off within seconds.

He'd tried, she hadn't and he was tired of trying. The ball was in her court but he didn't think she felt much like playing, either.

He put the tray of food down on the table and slid another empty plate towards Rebecca. She took her share – they argued over the one and only and last slice of pepperoni pizza but she finally relented when his stomach growled loudly – and eventually the others joined them, Teyla sitting on the corner seat, beside Ronon. He couldn't even find it in himself to sigh, or roll his eyes or be annoyed. She was being childish and he was just too tired.

He downed the bottle of water in one long swig, reaching for the second he'd tucked into his pocket, noting Teyla doing the same.

"How did you get on today?" He asked and Rodney lifted his eyebrows as he tucked into his food with his usual fervour.

"Didn't you get my reports?"

John rolled his eyes. "Yes but-"

"It went well," Teyla said, interrupting him and he looked past Ronon to meet her eyes but she was cutting up a strip of beef in her stroganoff. "It is... quite the experience," she said with more animation and Sheppard nodded, stuffing the crust of pizza in his mouth, his hand hovering over the food on his plate, trying to decide what he wanted to devour next. He was never missing lunch again. "Knowing that I am safe but still feeling the fear..." she trailed off and eventually lifted her eyes, focussing on Rebecca across the table from her with a quick, puzzled frown. "It is definitely interesting running _with _the Wraith, rather than from them," she said and quirked an eyebrow.

"Are you getting the information you needed, Rodney?"

Rodney turned to Rebecca and shrugged.

"I'm just collecting the data and passing it on," he said with a pointed look in Sheppard's direction. "I'm just making sure it doesn't kill her."

"And I thank you, Rodney," Teyla said sincerely but there was a hint of a smile on her lips as she said it and Rodney flushed – he actually flushed red at the compliment and the people around the table exchanged snickers at that. "But please, remember that I require my daily ration of bread and water so I can complete the experiment," she said, only half teasing and Rodney looked down, grumbling. Silence descended, thick and not quite comfortable as they ate. "Where is Mr Woolsey?" Teyla asked after a couple of long minutes and Sheppard tilted his head in her direction.

"He's scheduled for a couple of meetings with the Joint Chiefs this week," John said.

"I am to assume that a return trip to the Pegasus Galaxy is not on the schedule?"

"No," he replied shortly and took a breath, waiting for her retort. He bit the inside of his bottom lip and looked up to Rebecca as she glanced at him curiously out of the corner of her eye. He shook his head and let out the breath he was holding.

"And of course Mr Woolsey is not here to speak t-"

"No he's not. Because he specifically scheduled his meeting with the _Joint Chiefs_ for this week so he didn't have to hear you arguing the same points I have been for the last year."

He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He could see the people around the table stiffen and he was almost certain he heard the click of Teyla's jaw as she snapped it shut.

"Forgive me for not wishing to spend my life in a galaxy that is not my own."

"I was doing it for five years."

He glanced at her, glaring and she shook her head the smile on her lips far from friendly.

"That was your choice, you didn't-"

He stood abruptly, his chair tumbling over and clattering loudly as it feel down the two low steps behind him. He took a breath, held it before meeting her eyes again.

"_This _was your choice, too." He closed his eyes and took another breath, trying to reign in the rage that coursed through him. "You know you might not be able to go back." He felt something touch the back of his hand – a finger, he thought but he wasn't sure – and he shrugged it away.

"I did not think I would not have a _choice_; you always had the choice to return."

"We didn't when we first came. We didn't when the Replicators had taken over the City. You chose to stay behind then – why did you choose to come this time? Why would you risk your life? Why would you risk Torren growing up without a mother? Why did you come _at all _if you thought you would hate it so much?" She tried to speak but he cut her off. "After everything I did for you – everything I'm _doing _for you – you could at least give me _time_."

She sneered again and John was aware that Ronon was standing behind him, ready to grab him if need be. He laughed humourlessly at that; as if he would _ever _hurt Teyla.

"I have given you time. You have done nothing with it."

She could have slapped him and gotten a lesser reaction from him. He grabbed onto the edge of the table and ground his teeth together, inhaling deeply through his nose. He was more than aware that there were other people in the mess hall, that they were staring at them but through his red hazy cloud, he couldn't bring himself to care.

He opened his eyes, defeated then because he knew he would not be able to make her see sense. None of them would surrender tonight and he accepted that.

He straightened and levelled her with a disapproving stare.

"This was your choice. Don't forget that." He turned to Rebecca and she met his eyes. "Come on," he said in a lighter tone, walking away hoping she would follow.

He and Teyla had been at an impasse for too many months now. Their stalemate, hopefully, would be broken now.


	10. Like Lazarus

Title: Like Lazarus  
Summary: If Carson had expected to feel something, it certainly wasn't this.  
Characters: Carson & Ronon  
Pairing: None  
Rating: K+  
Spoilers: Sunday, Enemy at the Gate

"This is weird."

Carson simply shook his head and glanced to Ronon over his shoulder. The overcast sky threatened rain and Carson almost welcomed it. The pebbled ash beneath his feet hissed as he walked, the wet red dust catching on the rubber of his soles but he paid it no great mind. He'd debated the sanity of this move and Ronon had threatened him with gross bodily harm for even considering it but Carson simply couldn't let it go.

So here they were, bearing witness to the wettest summer the west of Scotland had had for the last two decades just to ease Carson's curiosity. Despite Ronon's initial hesitations and his frequent grumblings, the gross bodily harm never came and Carson wondered if it wasn't something that Ronon had wanted to do, anyway.

They stopped, Ronon more than a few feet behind, and Carson took a breath. His lungs filled with the damp, mossy air of home and he took a moment before he cast his eyes down.

If Carson had expected to feel something, it certainly wasn't this. Standing in front of his grave, Carson found it strangely cathartic. The well tended greenery surrounding the tall grey structure made him smile slightly, as did the plastic flowers that were stuck in a monument at the bottom. A wind chime tinkled in a nearby tree and Carson felt none of the oppressive air he thought he should. He closed his eyes as he felt Ronon move up beside him, the Satedan taking a breath much like Carson had.

Carson bent his knees, squatting in front of the gravestone and looked over the words written there. Factual. Impersonal. He ran his fingers over the gold painted etchings, feeling the rough stone under his smooth fingertips.

_Flightless bird, A beloved son._

His breath caught at that and his eyes slid shut of their own accord as the burning sensation stung the back of his eyes. It was strange because he was pretty sure he was mourning for his mother – with her, for the loss of her son. He could only imagine the pain she had gone through. And for the first time in almost two years, he wondered if not telling her had been the right thing to do. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to drive the ten minute journey to his childhood home and wrap his mother in his arms and tell her it had all been a mistake, that he was alive.

But he wasn't, not really. Not the son she had lost, anyway. Carson had long since come to terms with the fact that he wasn't the same person as the one who his friends had lost years before. As soon as Michael had captured the original Carson, they became two very different entities, despite their shared memories. Even if the other Carson had survived, he knew they wouldn't be the same person – not entirely. Because the _real _Carson Beckett hadn't been held prisoner by Michael for almost two years. He hadn't been forced to witness the destruction that his clone counterpart had had a hand in starting. He would probably have been working on the cure, while the one who had been created in a test tube was creating the virus.

If either of them deserved to be alive, Carson knew he wasn't it.

But as he sat, hunched over the original Carson's grave, he felt a little part of his slip away. It didn't create a void, exactly – more like a space, more room for him to breathe. Because the ghost of Doctor Carson Beckett had haunted him for too long. His mind had understood that they were two different people and it wasn't until he felt that tiny part of him break away just moments before that he realised that his heart hadn't truly accepted it. That maybe none of them had, each of them expecting him to still be that same Carson that they had lost, years before.

As he stood, brushing his palms off on his jeans, he promised himself he would stop comparing himself to the other Carson, stop analysing every move, stop wondering if this is what the other Carson would do.

Because he wasn't him. He never had been.

"Okay."

Ronon turned to him and Carson looked up, meeting the Satedan's eyes. There was something there – or was it something missing? – that hadn't been before and Carson felt a small tug as he realised they'd both experienced the same thing. He took a breath, steadying himself against the sudden onslaught of pain in his throat, clogging it up. Ronon nodded once and Caron felt his hand on his shoulder, a quick squeeze of support before the Satedan withdrew.

On the walk back to the rented car, the rain fell. In the car, the windows steamed up. Minutes passed.

Another car drew up and Carson watched as the two occupants got out. He closed his eyes and tears leaked out. Ronon started the engine but waited until the two people had wandered up the path they had just walked down before driving off. Carson glanced up the path and saw the couple – an older woman and a younger woman supporting her – stop at the place Carson had been perched.

Ronon didn't say anything but drove past Carson's old house, anyway, and Carson let out a small smile. Carson wanted to go back. Ronon seemed to understood because he felt the car slow as Ronon drew into the curb. The silence was heavy as Carson watched in the wing mirror as the two people returned. Ronon didn't rush him but when Carson turned back to the dashboard, Ronon started the engine and drove on.

He wasn't that woman's son.

_There's a shade come over this heart that's coping with laying down to rest  
I'm dying to live without you again_

_It's a strange emotion this but there's still hope_

_As long as there's a breath..._


	11. Yesterday's Gone

Title: Yesterday's Gone

Summary: There was a time when that would have been her advice to give.

Characters: Teyla, Kanaan

Pairing: Teyla-/Kanaan, John/Teyla

Rating: T

Teyla had thought that coming home to her people would solve everything. She had thought that once she was back with her people, everything would go back to normal. But somehow along the way, she had forgotten that 'normal' hadn't existed for her or her people for almost ten years. Her son, who had spent the last four years of his life on Earth found the adjustment difficult and each night before bed, he wanted to 'call' Uncle John, Ronon and Papa Mer (a nickname that Rodney had once loathed but now loved) and she felt an ache in her chest each time his disappointed eyes met hers when she explained that he may never see his uncles again.

In her and Kanaan's absence, much had changed. There was no one leader of her people; they had formed a council of elders, led by Halling. They had joined the Alliance and a number of people from different worlds lived among her people. She felt severely out of place. She wondered if it had always been so, since she had joined those of Atlantis but... she did not believe so. She almost envied Kanaan's ability to blend seamlessly back into the network of her people.

She wondered if, in her nostalgia, she had amplified her closeness to her people.

She sighed and turned in bed again, stilling when she felt Kanaan stir.

"You have not settled all night, Teyla," Kanaan murmured and she turned onto her back and tilted her head towards him.

She barely refrained from replying "I have not settled since we have arrived". But she did, sighing instead.

"I feel restless."

The bed shifted and when she looked to Kanaan again, he had propped himself up on his arm, cradling his head in his palm as he watched her. Teyla closed her eyes and listened to the silence surrounding her; it was startling. She had not realised just how much she had gotten used to the sounds of traffic, or of the house creaking as it cooled down for the night.

"I am not the only one who has noticed your restlessness. I thought this is what you wanted?"

She turned to him and met his eyes.

"It was."

"And now?"

She looked beyond him into the darkness and tried to keep her breathing even. It would not do any good to worry him.

"I did not think it would be so difficult to readjust. I just need time."

Kanaan shifted again and she felt his touch on his her neck and she tried not to flinch away from it. In her uncertainty, she had withdrawn from him too.

"And what if you do not readjust?" She frowned, though he would not be able to see her. He withdrew his touch. "The Daedalus will not be here for much longer."

Teyla sat up.

"What do you mean?" She asked as she fumbled at the side of the bed looking for the lamp. She squinted when the light grew and turned back to Kanaan, blinking. "Do you wish to go back to Earth?" She hoped she didn't sound too eager at that prospect.

"You do."

"I was just as unhappy on Earth."

"So you are unhappy here, amongst your people?"

She started and her breath caught in her throat as she realised what she had said. "I did not-"

"I believe you are unhappy. You were equally as unsettled on Earth. And I believe it was from your desire to return to your people." He paused and Teyla made a move to agree with him but he took a breath and continued. "I just do not think that it was _these _people that you meant."

She felt her face scrunch up in confusion and shock as she stared at him. She could feel her mouth open and close as she watched him watch her and she had no idea what to say.

"I-"

"Teyla," he said gently and gripped her shoulders, his warm hands massaging her arms gently. "You were unsettled on Earth. You wanted to return to your people and yet you are here and still unsettled – possibly more so than before. Do you not see? Yes, you may have missed our people. But I believe that it has been your life on Atlantis – amongst the people of Atlantis – that you have missed."

"As you said, I was as unsettled on Earth-"

"You may have been on Earth but you were not on Atlantis."

Teyla felt her body sag at his words. He could not be right. She had wanted to return to her people. Even when she had been on Atlantis... But how often had she been on Atlantis? In those first few weeks, she had been so focussed on settling into life on Earth that she had made a decision to leave Atlantis... and had been back only a handful of times. When they had been together off of Atlantis, she had felt better – more like herself – but when she had been on Atlantis with them, working and living for a few days at a time... Had it felt like home? Had her subconscious been lamenting the loss of Atlantis, while her stubbornness had refused to believe it?

Was she _that _stubborn?

"Yes, you are." She flushed, realising she had asked the question out loud. She mouthed a few shapes but no words came out and she brought her hand up to her face, nipping at her nose. "The Daedalus is due to check in the day after tomorrow. You can use that time to explain and repack."

"Do you think they will allow us to return?"

Kanaan's face twisted and Teyla was about to comment but then he smiled and rubbed her shoulder again.

"Is that not why they gave us two weeks? To decide if this is what we really wanted?" She nodded, remembering John's insistence that the Daedalus do some reconnaissance in the area for a little while before returning to Earth. "And you have decided that it is not what you want."

She sighed and dropped her head to her hands, leaning into Kanaan's warm embrace.

"I feel like I am betraying our people."

Kanaan stroked her hair and tried to soothe her but she was a bundle of nervous energy. She could feel her chest tighten at the thought of leaving her people. She felt anticipation at returning to Earth.

"You under-estimate how observant our people are," Kanaan said lightly and Teyla pulled back to frown up at him. "They know your heart is elsewhere."

There was something in his tone that had the hair on her neck stand on end and she pulled fully out of his embrace to stare at his face.

"Kanaan..."

He licked his lips and looked down, closing his eyes.

"I..."

"You will not return to Earth?" He shook his head and Teyla felt a sudden sob break through her throat. She reached out and gripped his hands. "Then I cannot-"

"Teyla, I will never forgive myself if you stay here for me."

"Our son-"

"His home is on Earth, with his people."

"These are his people-"

"They may be his heritage. But those of Atlantis, they are his people. They are who he needs."

"He needs his father."

Kanaan smiled sadly and clenched his hands into fists as his eyes fluttered shut again.

"Yes. But he has many uncles who love and adore him. He will never want. And he will have a happy mother."

"Kanaan I cannot-"

"You will." He took her hands in his. "You must." She could not stop the tears that flowed down her cheeks and she made no move to try and hide her emotions. Her pain was laid out before her, on her features, in her eyes. Kanaan mirrored it with his own pain and Teyla embraced their openness. "I love you, Teyla, but it has not blinded me. Your head loves me, your heart loves another. It always has."

"Kanaan-" She sobbed, trying to withdraw her hands from his but he gripped onto her tighter.

"You must not let your head overrule your heart. Not with this."

Teyla wept at his strength, wondering when hers had left her. There had been a time when that advice would have been hers to give, not receive. What had changed her in these past years? Had her separation from Atlantis drained her of her personality? Could it be that...?

Kanaan enveloped her in his arms and she could feel his chest vibrate with his very own sobs. She could not think. She could barely feel, beyond the pain and confusion. But she knew that he was right.

Ridiculously, inconceivably... she was leaving her people behind, again.

"Teyla?" She made a sound of acknowledgement and Kanaan's hands drifted across her back. "Allow me to make love with you, one last time?"

She nodded quickly and let the love she once felt for him guide her actions. It was slow and easy. He didn't kiss her and she didn't seek out his lips, only his skin. Her head knew it, her heart knew it and the tears that slipped from both of their eyes proved it.

This was their goodbye.


	12. Another Little Hole

Title: Another Little Hole  
Summary: When she was out the door, John flopped, face first onto his bed and half screamed into the pillow, certain he was about to wake up any minute now.  
Characters: John, Teyla  
Pairing: John-/Teyla  
Rating: T

.

"You're kidding me, right?"

John wasn't entirely sure he was awake. In fact, he was almost certain he was still asleep because there was no way... He blinked again and tugged at his hair – which hurt, letting him know he was awake – and waited for a response.

"John-"

"You..." He turned away, incredulous. Angry, even. He had been angry for months and when Teyla had left, the anger had been displaced by despondency. Now, the answer was back and it was trying to claw its way out. He took a breath and tried to calm but she was too close to him and he could smell her in the calming breath he took. He spun back to her. "You left."

She narrowed her eyes slightly and John guffawed at her anger. She had no right to be angry. He turned away, crossing to the other side of the room. He stared at the blank wall in front of him, noting the different shades of gray in swirling patterns that he hadn't noticed before.

"I had to." He didn't move. Her tone was resigned and a part of him knew that she'd had to leave. If she hadn't, she would have stayed bitter and resentful. That she would always have wondered. And she had come back, hadn't she?

But she had left in the first place. And not just two weeks before. Years before, when she'd left Atlantis one night and gotten pregnant with Kanaan.

But he'd dealt with that.

Right.

"If I had not-" She began but he cut her off and turned to her.

"Yeah, I get it." His tone was harsh but she didn't flinch and John was glad to see some of the old Teyla back. "Doesn't change the past few years when you have been a complete..." He wanted to say bitch but he really didn't think she would appreciate it so he took a breath and closed his eyes. He was tired of this. How long had they been playing this game? Almost a decade now? And it was only in the last few minutes that he realised how ridiculous it all was. He thought he'd figured that out before but now that she was standing in front of him, not actually telling him anything, not really giving him anything to work with, he was suddenly exhausted of it all. "Look, you spent the last five years shutting us out. You pushed us away and were content to live in your little bubble with Kanaan. You could have stayed on Atlantis and fought your case but you didn't and to this day I don't understand that backward logic. You fought and fought to go back to your people and when they don't match up to the ridiculously high standards you've put them on these last few years you leave them behind as well. And for what? What do you want? Do you even know?"

She was silent and when John looked up, her eyes were fierce. There was a sheen to them but the tears didn't fall. Her jaw clenched and unclenched, the motion repeating a few times as John watched her. Eventually, she let out a deep sigh and took a step towards him and he stiffened instantly. He couldn't handle it if she touched him. Thankfully, she stopped, still at the other side of his bed.

"I want you."

His heart skipped... quite a few beats. His jaw slackened and his breath rushed out in a quick rush.

"For how long?" He asked and instantly wished he could reign the words back in. Not. Cool. She frowned and John shook his head at himself, looking down from her eyes. "You wanted Kanaan, too. He's still in Pegasus."

When he looked back up, her eyes were wide and her jaw was hanging loose. She looked... appalled and John felt like kicking himself in the backside. The woman he had wanted for God knows how long had just told him she wanted him and he... what? What the hell was that?

"I-you-I-"

"Teyla." Her breath rushed out of her much like his had done moments before. "I'm not going to apologise because I'm not sorry." He looked away and ran his hand through his hair. "Look... Can we just talk about this in the morning? You've only just got back and-"

"You want me to leave?" She sounded astonished, though she tried to hide it and John nodded his head, looking back to her. She lifted her eyebrow and stared at him silently.

"I just need to think." He looked up to her and narrowed his eyes slightly. "And I think you do too."

"I have done nothing but think for these past few days."

He pursed his lips and stared pointedly at her.

"Exactly. Now please, give me that same opportunity."

She parted her lips, ready to argue but John could see the agreement in her eyes before she nodded her ascent. She turned slightly towards the door, then turned back to him. John couldn't dissemble the hurt from the pain or uncertainty and he felt something pull at his chest but he fought against it.

"Do you... have you ever... Do you want me?"

John was floored by the directness of the question, though he really shouldn't have been surprised. The Teyla that stood before him now was the same one that had gone missing roughly five years ago when the IOA first told her she wouldn't be going home, ever again. He watched her face as her eyes flickered over his, searching for the answer his voice apparently didn't want to give. She met his eyes, an otherworldly concoction of emotions in her eyes that made John look away and nod.

"Yeah. Always have." She nodded quickly then turned to leave. When she reached the doorway, John called to her and she turned her head towards him. "I'm... I'm glad you came back."

She smiled, not quite a grin but it was glorious nonetheless. She nodded and met his eyes.

"Me too."

When she was out the door, John flopped, face first onto his bed and half screamed into the pillow, certain he was about to wake up any minute now.

Because there was no way he just told Teyla to leave minutes after she'd announced that she wanted him.


	13. Jezebel

Title: Jezebel  
Summary: It was going to be a _long _wait.  
Characters: John, Rebecca, Teyla  
Pairing: John/Teyla, John-/Rebecca  
Rating: T  
Notes: Post-EatG

John had had many uncomfortable conversations but none quite so uncomfortable as the one he was having with Rebecca. She assured him it was fine but he couldn't quite shake the knowledge that he was talking to her – for all intents and purposes, his ex-girlfriend – about his situation with Teyla. She'd beamed in an hour or so before with her team and she had been with John for all but ten minutes of that whole time.

"I don't understand what the problem is," she said again and John wanted to agree. Even _he _wasn't sure what the problem was. All he knew was that he didn't trust Teyla to not change her mind and the last thing he needed after over a decade was for him to give in to his feelings and have her tell him she wants to... that she doesn't want that. "She came back for you, John." John nodded but didn't look at Rebecca. "That's a pretty bug sacrifice." John nodded again. "Have you thought about this from her point of view at all?"

John snapped his head up to look at her.

"Of _course _I have." Rebecca levelled him with a stare and John matched it for a moment before sighing and looking down. "What's your point?"

Rebecca stood from her perch on the chair and sat cautiously beside John, her hand coming to rest on his thigh. He eyed it then followed the slender arm up to her face and Rebecca simply rolled her eyes at him and removed the hand.

"For the last five years, all she has wanted is to go home to her people and have a normal life with her family. She gave that up to come back here and this time she _knows _that she won't be coming back. She took her son away from his father after fighting to keep them together. That's a big deal."

John looked back to his hands. He _knew _it was a big deal but he couldn't see past how quickly Teyla had thrown aside that which she had craved and wanted for so long. Would he be another thing tossed to the side when she got him? Did she truly want him, or did she want to idea of him?

He guessed that question could be turned around on him because it truly had been a long time since he had _wanted _Teyla like that. Sure, he had still thought of her as an attractive woman but he had long since given up any hope that they would actually get together. Was this new want for her a result of her wanting him, or was it his old want just come back to haunt him? He wanted so much for it to be the latter but he didn't trust himself enough to be sure.

He didn't trust in Teyla enough to be sure.

"I get it. I do but..."

"I know where you are coming from, too. How can you trust her? She hurt you." John made to protest but Rebecca held up her hands and shushed him. John thought about defying her for a moment but she simply continued talking. "Not just since she's been here but before that too. She went to another man when you thought... well, when you thought there was something between you." John tried to protest again but she shushed him again. John grumbled. "Your ego took a hit and then it continued to take a hit each time she chose Kanaan over you. You might have eventually moved on but that old hurt sticks."

John wanted to say something to contradict her but he found that he couldn't. Everything she said was true. He had been hurt and angry that she'd gone to Kanaan. He'd been hurt and angry when she'd left Atlantis and sought out a 'normal' life on Earth. He had been hurt and angry every time she fought to go home. And worst of all, when she'd actually left him in that hotel room for a place she had once called home. He sighed, miserable. Talking to Rebecca was supposed to help, not make him feel even worse than he had before.

"Thanks, I feel much better now."

Rebecca shrugged and smiled wanly at him and John shook his head. He'd missed her.

"Do you love her?" Rebecca asked, rising from the bed to stand in front of John.

He tilted his head up and looked at her, sighing lightly when she touched her hand to his messy hair. He closed his eyes for a moment and pondered over the question. He had, at one point. With a fiery passion and he would have moved heaven and Earth for her. Did that kind of love just disappear? He opened his eyes and looked up to Rebecca's and shrugged tiredly.

"I don't know."

Rebecca pursed her lips and her hand slid from his face down the side of his face until her palm made contact with his cheekbone, her fingers curling into the hairs at his temple. She tilted his head up and touched the pad of her thumb to his lips as she stared at him contemplatively.

"I think you do know." John looked away from her. "You're just afraid of the answer and what it could mean."

She moved away from him, her hand skimming his shoulder as it fell and John rose to his feet. He was closer to Rebecca than he'd thought he would be and he found his hand reaching out and skimming along the base of her neck. He watched as her breath hitched, her eyes fluttering closed for a moment and then he leaned in. His lips touched hers and he felt the tingle of contact. Her hands rested on his hips lightly but she didn't move to deepen the kiss. After a moment, neither did John and he slowly pulled back, opening his eyes to meet hers.

"Thank you," he said quietly and Rebecca nodded. She seemed to hesitate a moment again then she slid her hands from his hips around his back and stepped into him. John automatically closed her in a loose embrace. John knew this was her saying goodbye.

"It's been a fun two years, John Sheppard."

John quirked a smile into her hair and nodded slightly. It had been fun – and exactly what he had needed and when. She had been there when no one else was and he was eternally grateful for that. It had never been about love for either of them, just company and comfort and fun. He was glad that hadn't changed.

"It has." After a few moments she pulled back, her lips brushing his neck as she went and John mock frowned at her and she swatted his arm.

"I better go meet with Woolsey since you've had me cooped up in here for hours."

John rolled his eyes and walked with her to the door, his hand on her elbow as a guide.

"It's hardly been hours."

"I've been in here for almost two hours, John." The doors slid open and Rebecca stepped out and turned back to him. She touched his bare forearm with her fingers and looked up to him. "Don't over think this, John. But don't wait too long, either."

John rolled his eyes but it lacked its usual humour. He caught her hand and gave it a small squeeze as he nodded.

"Thanks."

Rebecca smiled and took a step back.

"Anytime."

John watched her as she turned down the corridor then faltered, her shoulders straightening. She glanced back to John over her shoulder and he frowned at her, his eyes flicking over her shoulder to Teyla who was similarly immobile a few meters down the corridor. John couldn't help the snort that broke through and Rebecca glared at him before walking away.

Only him, John thought as Teyla looked between Rebecca and John and back. Rebecca didn't stop to talk to Teyla but kept walking and John leaned against his doorframe to watch Teyla. What would she do? Would she turn and walk away? Confront him? Though John couldn't really see how she _could _confront him. For all Teyla knew, John was still with Rebecca and John hadn't given any indication to her that he would bow to her wishes.

She did neither of those things and John found he wasn't surprised. She walked up to him and smiled tiredly up at him and John stepped aside to let her into his room. She brushed against him and John felt that same tingling sensation he usually did and he took a breath, only to be assaulted with her scent. He stopped in the middle of his room and looked around, much like she had last time and John wondered if she was trying to take in every detail about him and his room.

He moved beside her and touched her elbow and she turned to look at him, her eyes full of questions that John had no real desire to answer. He motioned for her to sit in the chair and he sat on the end of his bed, feeling ridiculously like a teenager in his dorm room with his first girlfriend. He pushed his hands against the bed covers and eyed Teyla as she shuffled uncomfortably in the seat, her eyes straying to the still made covers of the bed and John couldn't help but smirk at the relief that filled her eyes.

John hadn't the heart to tell her he didn't need a bed to do _that_.

"Listen, Teyla," he began after a lengthy silence and Teyla's eyes slid to his, holding him captive for a moment before he looked away. "I really am glad that you're back."

"As am I," she said serenely and John looked up to her and found her watching him. It was unnerving.

"But... I need to be sure that you're _sure _this is what you want and before you say anything... You might be sure you're sure, but I'm not sure you are."

There was a pause and he could hear Teyla shift in the seat again and he looked over to her.

"You do not trust me."

John wanted to protest because of _course _he trusted her. He trusted her with his life. But he paused. The pause gave them both enough answer and Teyla looked down to her hands to hide the hurt he'd seen flash across her features. Because that's what it boiled down to, wasn't it? He couldn't trust her, not when she had continually chosen someone else over him. Time and time and time again. He didn't want to have to deal with that again.

"Not with this, no." He couldn't look at her. "You have to understand, Teyla-"

"I do." John doubted that but she was giving him and out and he would be stupid not to take it. So he did and they both seemed relieved. "What do I need to do?"

John sighed. That was the question wasn't it?

"Just... give it time. Just until... just until I'm sure that this is what I – what _we _want." He looked to his hands. "I couldn't... if you left again..."

Teyla was beside him in a flash, her hand on his thigh and he quirked an eyebrow at that. Was that just a womanly comfort thing? He shrugged the thought away.

"I will give you time." Her hand flexed and her hand shifted higher and John squirmed at the contact. "I believe it will be worth it."

John looked to her then, to the twinkle in her eyes as she watched her hand on his thigh and he couldn't look away from her lips when she smirked at his reaction. She glanced up and caught him staring and her smile spread. She leaned forward and her hand slid higher up his thigh, her temple coming to rest on his cheek as she half hugged him.

He let out a haggard sigh and brought his hand up to her back, tracing the lines of her powerful shoulder blades.

"I think so," he agreed. He felt her breath on her cheek and he shuddered despite himself and he pulled back to glare at her. "Teyla..." He warned as her fingers flexed against his thigh.

"I said I would wait." He nodded cautiously. "I did not say I would wait patiently."

And then she was gone and John was left wondering what the hell had just happened.

After a long minute, he shook his head in the empty room and looked at the door that had just slid closed.

It was going to be a _long _wait.


	14. La Plus Belle Ville du Monde

**Title**: La Plus Belle Ville du Monde  
**Summary**: It's the most beautiful city in the world and all he sees is her.  
**Characters**: John, Teyla, Ronon  
**Pairing**: John/Teyla  
**Rating**: K+  
**Notes**: John's POV of the opening scene. It's not usual that I do twin POVs but I think this part merits it... Sorry for the hellacious wait. I have much love for you all.

**_"If you are lucky enough to have stayed in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you."  
_****Ernest Hemingway**

To say that John had been surprised when Teyla came to tell him she was moving to Paris would be an understatement. Surprised and not a little hurt, if he was honest. But as she had explained to him after he'd stared at her in stupefied silence for almost ten minutes, she was merely doing what he told her to do.

She was figuring out her own life; figuring out what she wanted.

And she had assured him that even though she was moving to the other side of the planet that _he _was still what she wanted. More than anything. And in some kind of twisted world, he understood that her leaving him (again) was kind of proof of that. She was showing him that she was settling roots, that she was giving him the proof that he needed about her willing to stay here, on Earth, for him.

So when she invited them all out to Paris for a 'flat warming party' (if you could call the ridiculously sized penthouse apartment a 'flat'), John was kind of a little miffed that she hadn't asked just him. Which was ridiculous, and he would admit that to anyone who asked (not that they would, of course but if they _did_) because these were his friends, too. People whom he hadn't seen in quite a few months considering he was still exiled (albeit voluntarily) to the coldest climate on the planet. On a City that that no one knew about.

He milled about chatting to the people he knew, conversing in what little pigeon French he could remember from his childhood with the natives and basically trying to have a good time while he waited for the opportunity to get Teyla alone. He just wanted to talk to her, to be near her because it had been _such _a long since they had been alone together, just the two of them, and he kind of missed. Maybe. Not that he'd admit that, to _anyone. _

As the crowds finally began to dwindle, John loosened his tie, rolling the sleeves of his dress shirt up to his elbows, relishing in the relative freedom the gesture allotted him. He hated being stuffed into shirts and ties but Teyla had requested it and even Ronon had learned how to tie a Windsor knot for her so John couldn't really tell her no. He scanned the main room for her, then the kitchen and the hallways when he came up empty. As he walked back into the lounge, flickering lights from outside caught his attention and he turned to see the tower glittering against the night sky in the distance. It was beautiful but his attention was drawn to the dark silhouette outlined against the amber glow from the street lamps and he smiled. He passed by the drinks table, fixing himself a whiskey with ice and a glass of wine for Teyla before stepping out onto the balcony. It was chilly, he realised as the cool air touched his skin and he shivered. He paused for a long moment to observe the woman in front of him; how many times had he approached her like this on balconies on Atlantis? Too many to count. He watched as a puff of air blew from her mouth before she tugged the coat she wore closer around her body. He shook himself from his stupor and stepped further out onto the balcony.

"You all right?" He asked, noting the slight jerk of her shoulders as she jumped at his voice. "Sorry," he murmured as he held out the wine glass, smiling slightly as he fingers skimmed his. He scanned her face for a moment as she took a sip from the wine, noting the way her lips curled around the rim.

"It is a cold night," she said quietly, turning away from him to look back to the spectacular view spread out before them and John leaned against the stone carved railing beside her, letting his arm brush against her coat. He could smell the unfamiliar scent of the city; exhaust fumes, cooking. He listened for a moment to the sound of life, finding relief in the noise. Antarctica was far too quiet, sometimes. "Though I suppose you are used to colder climates," she said and he smirked slightly as he turned from the view. He leaned against the cold stone, feeling it chill his heated back instantly. He wouldn't last long out here.

"We have heating out there, too, you know," he responded smartly, watching as she fought the smile. He wanted so badly to reach out and touch her. He balled his empty fist and looked back through the double doors. The party was still going on, though it was only Atlantis personnel left and John met Ronon's eye. The Satedan paused for a moment, glancing between Teyla and him before he nodded once then turned away. John smiled; Ronon, of all people, would know what this meant to John. He turned his gaze down to the drink in his hand and sighed, swirling the ice cubes around with a gentle swish. He was hyperaware of her and when she shifted slightly, he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. She was watching the view, a small smile on her features and John wondered what she was thinking about. "Why Paris?" He asked suddenly, thickly and he wanted to shoot himself for asking. He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer, anyway.

"Why not?" he didn't respond, sure her question was rhetorical. "See the world; is that not what you told me?"

He knew those words would come back to bite him in the ass but he shook away the rancid thought. She was watching him so he nodded, letting her know he had heard her comment.

"Why not New York?"

She had told him she was offered both positions and he had wondered why she had chosen the one outside of America. He'd come to realise over the past few weeks since she's moved how little he actually knew about her these days.

He saw her shrug and he shook at the nonchalant gesture.

"Would it have made any difference?"

He let out a breathy laugh and shook his head. When she put it that way...

"I guess not," he murmured good naturedly. Considering that he had travelled via the General Hammond, her locale meant relatively little to him. "At least I don't have to pay to fly here, I guess," he continued lightly, turning his head to see her smile.

"So you will only visit when one of the ships are in orbit?"

He chuckled again and nudged her lightly.

"Why waste all those hours on a plane when I can have instantaneous travel?"

She quirked an eyebrow and returned his playful nudge.

"Why come at all then?"

_Because I miss you, because I can't live without seeing you, because I need you, because you're everything..._

"I can't leave you with the French," he said instead, his voice suddenly quiet. She quirked an eyebrow and he forced a smirk. "Or the _tourists_."

He settled in beside her again, turning to look over the view. He remembered talking to her once about Paris (leaving out, of course, the fact that he'd proposed to Nancy at the top of the Eifel Tower) and how he had promised to show it to her one day. He shook his head slightly; how things had worked out. He thought of Pegasus and the situation they had left behind; he thought of Elizabeth and her sacrifice; he thought of all the people who they had lost, those they had gained (he thought of Carson then, and the friendship the clone had found with Ronon – both outcast by the people they had sworn to protect). There was something about this city that got to him, that wormed its way under his skin; he was too nostalgic for it.

A breeze whipped up from below, sending a gust of Teyla's scent his way and he breathed it in, shivering against the sensation. He saw her turn to him slightly, her eyes questioning and he smiled for her.

"We should go back in," he said, attempting to keep a rein on the disappointment he felt at having to return to the party. Her face fell slightly as she looked over her shoulder, back into the apartment and John wanted to erase the doubt from her features. "Can't have your boss suing me for letting one of their top buyers catch frost bite."

He hated the sound of her half hearted laugh but he couldn't think of anything to say to rid her of her melancholy. So he didn't try.

"Shall we?" She said as she stepped away from him. The sight of her retreating back cut him and before he could even think, his hand had reached out and grasped onto hers. She stopped instantly, turning to stare at him with wide, surprised eyes and he hated that she was surprised by his touch. "John?" She questioned after a long moment of him starting at her nose and he shook himself slightly, bringing his eyes up to meet hers. He perused her features for a moment, taking in her dark eyes, her smooth skin and he couldn't help the smile that crept over his lips. Oh, _God _how he had missed her. He tugged her hand and she stumbled towards him, before he wrapped his arms around her in an unfamiliar gesture. He pulled back slightly and leaned forward to kiss her cheek. As his lips neared her skin, she turned slightly and John could see her wide eyes and he smiled, tilting his head further so he could catch her lips, too. It was all to brief but the tingles erupted like wildfire and he hesitated a moment before he pulled back.

She stared up at him, her mouth parted slightly and he met her small smile with one of his own.

"Congratulations, Teyla..."

There was so much more he had to say but the words eluded him. So he settled for another small smile then guided her into the room. He could feel the warmth of her body through the thickness of her coat before he helped her out of it. He bid her a 'see you later' and watched as she flittered off into the room to talk to some of the women at the other end of the hall. She must have felt his stare because she turned to look at him over her shoulder and he smiled to her, turning away so she could concentrate on her own conversation.

He met up with Ronon at the makeshift bar, helping himself to another glass of whiskey.

"How'd it go?" Ronon asked and John shrugged. "You ready now?" he continued and John turned to look at him. He watched the Satedan as he scanned the room and when he didn't answer, Ronon turned back to look at him, his eyebrow raised.

John smiled and let his eyes find Teyla again.

"Yeah..." He said quietly. "I am."


End file.
